The grass is not greener on the other side

Or as humorist Erma Bombeck once wrote, the grass is always greener over the septic tank ...

Most of the e-mail I have received have come from men and women whose spouses have become involved in adulterous affairs. I have previously written several articles on marital infidelity (“Sad Movies Always Make Me Cry”; Surviving Marital Infidelity; Marital infidelity: causes, consequences and conclusions) that you might want to review.

It never ceases to amaze me that what marriage counselors have been warning about all these years have oftentimes been blatantly disregarded by men and women, with the end result that numerous marriages have been wrecked, sometimes irreparably. What is this simple but often disregarded warning?

Marriage counselors have been warning that most adulterous affairs are between friends and co-workers, and that, therefore, proper boundaries must be established. Dr. Ed Wheat, in his classic book “Love Life for Every Married Couple” written decades ago, even went to the extent of advising people never to confide their relationship or marital problems with a friend of the opposite sex.

Author and marriage counselor Nancy C. Anderson has written an article titled “Safeguard Against Workplace Temptations” for Crosswalk.com. (At the right hand sidebar of this blog, you can see links to articles from Crosswalk on marriage, parenting, and singleness). The article is based on Anderson’s book “Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage.” (Kregel Publications 2004)

Some of the guidelines Anderson gives to men and women are:

1. People of the opposite sex should not ride in a car together without a third party present.

2. Don’t make personal (non-work related) phone calls to a coworker of the opposite sex.

3. Don’t have lunch with the same person every day. Move around the lunchroom or break-room and if you go out to a restaurant, go in a group.

4. Make sure that your e-mails and other correspondence are not suggestive, inappropriate, or flirtatious.

5. Talk about your spouse in positive terms, making it clear that you’re married and intend to stay that way.

6. Be careful not to make any lingering eye contact.

7. The only appropriate touch between business associates of the opposite sex is a handshake.

What makes Anderson’s guidelines cogent and realistic is her brutally honest confession that twenty five years ago, she herself became involved in an adulterous relationship that nearly devastated her marriage.

Some other articles by Anderson you might be interested in are:

Is Your Marriage Malnourished?
http://cw.salemwebnetwork.com/family/marriage/1346308.html

The Warning Signs of Infidelity
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/1336759.html

"Small Stuff" Can Ruin Our Families
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/1329668.html

Forgiving the Unforgivable: Adultery
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/1322755.html

Five Creative Dates for Couples
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/1317293.html

Have You Lost that Lovin' Feelin'?
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/1313211.html

Can a Christian Marriage Survive an Affair?
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/1306747.html

Avoid the 'Greener Grass' Syndrome: Water Your Own Marriage
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/1302344.html

Is Your Home a Danger Zone for Your Marriage?
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/1294613.html

The Parable of the Coffee Filter
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/1287852.html