Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Special thanks to everyone who browsed www.familymatters.org.ph or availed of the free legal information and Biblical counseling services of the website and its related blogs: [1] “Legal Updates” at www.famli.blogspot.com; [2] “Baptist Churches in the Philippines” at www.baptist-rp.blogspot.com; [3] “Families of Faith” at www.families-of-faith.blogspot.com; [4] “Salt and Light” at www.-salt-and-light-.blogspot.com; and [5] “Campus Connection” at www.campusconnection.blogspot.com.

Deepest thanks to everyone who received every Monday morning at 8:30 to 9 AM my “FYI – new article …” text messages and forwarded them to others.

Tender thanks to the women (betrayed, battered or abandoned by their husbands) who e-mailed me, with the hope that the legal information I provided has helped even in some small way. Psalms 68:5 says, “A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, is God in his holy habitation.” James 1:27 also declares, “Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.”

Sincere thanks to the BMP-HELP pastors and church workers for their love gift during their Tagaytay, November 23, 2006 conference; it enabled me to pay for the next quarter web hosting fees of the Family Matters website.

Heartfelt thanks to Bro. David Witta (from Massachussetts, USA) and his family for their gifts of books and CDs. Same for Ptr. Norwin Cruz of Grace Bible Baptist Church, Dasmarinas, Cavite (and Doha , Qatar), Bro. Nazario Angeles Jr., missionary to Saipan, Ptr. Joey Conui of Christ Baptist Church, and Ptr. Manny Orara of Maranatha International Baptist Church for their words of encouragement and affirmation for the value of these Internet ministries.

Appreciative thanks to Ptr.Gerardo Nable and my Bethany Makati churchmates, especially Coty Cataluna, Ligaya Gutierrez, Cherry Molina, Lyn Solis, Jonas Pimentel and Deacon Mario de Ocampo Jr.

Grateful thanks to spouses Robert and Ela (Flores) Questadio for their faithful reading and discussion with others of my Salt and Light articles. Ditto for Mylah Reyes-Roque, Rizal High School Class ‘87, for the affirmation to continue writing (George Bernard Shaw once said, “He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.”)

Earnest thanks to webmasters Armand Serrana of Moriah BBC for the technical info on HTML and Dreamweaver, and Erin Cabanawa of Pasig BBC for the hyperlink to my website.

Warmest thanks to the pastors, church workers and members, Bible school students, teachers and students who attended my lecture-seminars (legal, covenant marriage and photojournalism):

[1] Legal seminars, Landmark Baptist College, Pasig City, February 28 and March 7, 2006

[2] RA 9262 seminar for NSTP students, L.D. Woosley Bethany Colleges, March 4, 2006

[3] Covenant marriage seminar, Baptist Men and Women’s Joint Fellowship, Baptist Bible Church, Sta. Mesa, Manila, under Ptr. Joseph Boyd Lyons, February 26 and March 26, 2006

[4] Family Code seminar, Maranatha International Baptist Church, Parang, Marikina, under Ptr. Many Orara, February 26, 2006

[5] Legal seminar, Grace Bible Baptist Church, Dasmarinas, Cavite , under Ptr. Norwin Cruz, March 18, 2006

[6] Legal seminar, Single Parents for Christ, led by Sis. Linda Pawhay, March 19, 2006

[7] Baptist College of Leadership, Faith Baptist Church, Novaliches, under Ptrs. Gary Phillips and Lance Gotcher, April 6, 2006

[8] Legal seminar, Biblical Fundamentalism Conference, Christ Baptist Church, Muntinlupa, under Ptr. Joey Conui, May 11, 2006

[9] Paralegal training and Introduction to Law, Christ Baptist Church, Muntinlupa, under Ptr. Joey Conui, June 19 and 26, July 3 and 10, 2006

[10] Photojournalism seminar, Maria Montessori Christian School, Pembo, Makati, August 19, 2006

[11] Photojournalism training and contest, District 5, Division of Pasig City and San Juan, Caniogan Elementary School, September 7 and 8, 2006

[12] Family Code seminar, Christ Baptist Church, Paliparan, Dasmarinas, Cavite, under Ptr. Paulo Malabanan, September 17, 2006

[13] True Love Waits lecture, Promised Land Bible Baptist Church, Dasmarinas, Cavite, under Ptr. Renato Dognidon, September 17, 2006

[14] Panel discussion, Psych 118, UP College of Psychology , October 10, 2006

[15] Photojournalism contest and Division Press Conference (grade school level), Division of Pasig City and San Juan, October 5 and 10, 2006

[16] Legal seminar, Nicanor Ibuna Elementary School, San Juan,Metro Manila, October 23, 2006

[17] Legal seminar, Pinagbuhatan Elementary School, October 25, 2006

[18] Photojournalism seminar, Santolan High School, October 20, 2006

[19] Photojournalism lecture and contest (high school level) Division of Pasig City and San Juan, November 7, 2006

[20] Regional Schools Press Conference, Region III, Talavera, Nueva Ecija, November 14-17, 2006

[21] Family Code seminar, Moriah Bible Baptist Church, Marikina, under Ptr. Efren Padua, November 12 and 19, 2006

[22] Legal seminar, Baptist Missions Partners (BMP), Annual Pastors and Workers Conference, Tagaytay, November 23, 2006

[23] Family Code seminar, Grace and Truth Baptist Church, Kawit, Cavite, under Ptr. Cornelio Datur, December 3, 2006

[24] Legal seminar, God’s Grace Christian School, Santolan, Pasig City, December 20, 2006

[25] Technical writing seminar for Student Council officers, Division of Pasig City and San Juan, December 27, 200
“But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day.” Proverbs 4:18

To God be the glory!

Friday, December 22, 2006

Family Code of the Philippines: Primer on the family and family home

Title V of the Family Code, specifically Articles 149 up to 162, defines what the family is, what family relations include and the procedures regarding the family home. Please surf over to my Legal Updates blog for this primer on the family home.

For the Biblical views on marriage and the family, please surf over to my “Legal issues and family matters” website.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

“Saving Private Ryan” and God’s seeking heart

Two weeks ago, I bought from the National Bookstore a bargain priced, original video of “Saving Private Ryan.” As a lot of you may know, “Saving Private Ryan” is the 1998 Academy Award winning film directed by Steven Spielberg and starring Tom Hanks. Nominated for a total of 11 Oscars, the film, set in World War II, won in five categories (Best Director; Best Film Editing; Best Cinematography; Best Sound; and Best Sound Effects Editing).

When I first saw “Saving Private Ryan,” I was amazed at the parallels with the Bible’s message of a sovereign God undertaking a daring mission in enemy territory to rescue lost men and women. But I’m getting ahead of the point of this article ...

You can read more in the December 20, 2006 post of my Campus Connection blog. See you there!

Saturday, December 9, 2006

June brides, wedding vows, and coming attractions

January 2007 is coming in about three weeks’ time, and after the seemingly endless “Jingle bells” sung by carolers in your neighborhood during the Christmas season, guess what you will be hearing more of when January comes around? Wedding bells!

It is a myth, an urban legend that more people get married in June than any other month of the year.
The truth is, as figures from the National Statistics Office would bear me out, more Filipinos get married in January than in June or in any other month.

If you are getting married this January or any time next year, I highly recommend that you make use, with some modifications, of the wedding vows I wrote about in my “Covenant Marriage” article. The article was a bit long, with a lot of legal talk and prefatory statements (yup, “prefatory” is an acceptable word in the language of lawyers and the courts). And so you might have missed reading the covenant marriage vow I mentioned in that article. Anyway, if you want to see the PDF of that marriage covenant vow, just click this link.

Before 2006 ends, I will be posting (hopefully) several articles here in “Salt and Light” or in my other blogs. These coming attractions are the following:

[1] A review of Dannah Gresh’s books “Pursuing the Pearl: The Quest for a Pure and Passionate Marriage” and “And the Bride Wore White – Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity”

Dannah, together with her husband, is the moving force behind www.purefreedom.org which advocates sexual purity for teenagers. Speaking of “And the Bride Wore White”, I bought two weeks ago the very last copy of this book at the OMF Lit bookstore in Boni Avenue, Mandaluyong. But don’t despair; last Friday, I saw three or four copies at the Back to the Bible Bookstore in West Avenue, Quezon City.

Just to give you a glimpse of how great Dannah’s book “Pursuing the Pearl” is, she discusses in pages 61 and 62 some warning signals when a wife is beginning to form emotional bonds with a man other than her spouse. Dannah says,

Sexual impurity is a zero tolerance arena! You are on shaky ground if there are emotional bonds being created between you and another man (or your husband and another woman). Those bonds begin with little things like:

• Innocently having lunch alone with a man

• Seeking advice from a man about personal issues, especially marital issues

• Seeking or accepting frequent praise or affirmation from the same man

• Seeing or becoming comfortable with being alone in an office or a home together

Emotional bonds are growing, and you are in danger of the emotional affair becoming physical when

• You intentionally seek out time to be with this man

• You manipulate your schedule to see him

• You spend time fantasizing about him

Do you see some of these characteristics in your friendships with guys? Run for cover and fast!

You might want to review my article “Sad Movies Always Make Me Cry” which discusses the dynamics of adulterous relationships. You might also be interested in reading the article “When a Spouse is Unfaithful” from the Radio Bible Class Ministries.

[2] Preventing the sexual abuse of children

I’ve been doing the research and collecting information on this topic primarily from the website and printed materials of the Center for Prevention and Treatment of Child Sexual Abuse (CPTCSA). The books I bought and the flyers I got from the CPTCSA office in UP Village, Quezon City two weeks ago, state some of the early warning signals and telltale signs of sexual offenders which children - and their parents - should be aware of:
• Offender says you are special, different or the only one who really understands him

• Treats you differently from other kids; gives you special privileges; treats you like an adult while he acts like a kid

• Says he is teaching you sex education by showing you pornographic pictures or movies; he shows his body or touches yours

• Puts lotion or ointment on you when your mother or others are not around (even when you don’t need the ointment)

• Offenders hang around school, yard or park where children play; tells you “not to tell” or asks to “keep a secret”

• Does not let you have friends or does not let you do things that other kids your age do

• Comes into your bedroom for no reason

• Asks you to do things that involve physical contact or touching of private parts

• Offender wants to spend time alone with you; makes excuses for you to go places with him

• Asks questions or makes accusations about sex between you and your boyfriends
• “Accidentally” comes into the bathroom when you are taking a bath; not respecting your privacy

• May fool you parents into allowing you to be “friends” through bribes and other tricks
The CPTCSA books and flyers also list “Wants to take your pictures” as an early warning signal and telltale sign of sexual offenders, but since photography is the number one hobby in the world, this sign should be taken not in isolation but in relation with the other warning signs.

For pastors, counselors or church workers who want to know more about how to deal with the damaging effects of sexual abuse, I highly recommend to you the Radio Bible Class Ministries article “When trust is lost” written by Dr. Dan Allender, founder and director of Wounded Heart Ministries in Denver, Colorado.

[3] “Saving Private Ryan” as a modern day parable of God’s seeking heart

Several days ago, I bought at the National Bookstore a bargain priced, original DVD of this 1998 Oscar-winning movie by Steven Spielberg. When I first saw “Saving Private Ryan” I was amazed to see parallels - whether intended or not by the movie’s writers - with the Bible’s message of a sovereign, omnipotent God who undertakes a rescue mission to grant repentant sinners grace and mercy.

Well, well, well, it promises to be a busy last three weeks of 2006, and I hope you’ll enjoy reading these articles, as much as I enjoy writing them for you. Keep in touch!

Monday, December 4, 2006

The "Battered Woman Syndrome"

Spousal abuse: In the name of submission?
 
I promised you in my previous post entitled “Coming Attractions” that I will write a lengthy article on the “Battered Woman Syndrome.” Well, the article is now posted in the November 29, 2006 entry of my Legal Updates blog. What can I say? I’m the kind of guy who keeps his promises (ehem!). I’m also faithful, responsible, and I fall neatly within the description of Psalms 16:6 which says, “The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places; yea, I have a goodly heritage.” In modern language, that means “I’m cute!” So I really wonder why I am not married even now ... But as I told you before in my “Covenant marriage” article, I have been turned down by the same woman three times, and I am beginning to get a little bit discouraged.

Levity aside however, our subject deals with one of the tragic realities of life – spousal abuse. My previous article “Hope and help for the battered woman: Statistics on domestic violence” paints a very grim picture of spousal abuse as a worldwide phenomenon. The article on the “Battered Woman Syndrome” (BWS) is taken from the Supreme Court decision in the case of Marivic Genosa, a Leyteña convicted of murdering her husband for which the trial court imposed on her the death penalty. On automatic appeal of Genosa’s case to the High Court, nationally-known lawyer Katrina Legarda introduced BWS as Genosa’s defense. The Court decided the case several months before the passage of Republic Act 9262 or the “Anti-Violence Against Women and Their Children Act of 2004” into law in March 2004.

As you can read from my Legal Updates article, the Court took BWS into consideration but said that [1] the presence of the syndrome was not proven in Genosa’s case; and [2] the Court’s hands were tied by the prevailing provisions of the Revised Penal Code which did not consider BWS as a justifying circumstance that would enable Genosa to claim valid self-defense. Nevertheless, the Supreme Court considered two mitigating circumstances in Genosa’s favor, reduced her penalty, and for time already served, ordered Genosa’s release from the Correctional Institution for Women in Mandaluyong.

(The Supreme Court’s decision is quite a read, even for law students, but if you’re a counselor, pastor, or someone who personally knows a battered woman, you should take the time and effort in understanding it.)

"Battered Woman Syndrome" defined and as a defense in criminal cases

Please take note that Republic Act 9262 or the “Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children Act of 2004” became law after the Genosa decision. RA 9262 defines BWS as “a scientifically defined pattern of psychological and behavioral symptoms found in women living in battering relationships as a result of cumulative abuse.” Section 26 of RA 9262 discusses the “Battered Woman Syndrome” as a defense, to wit,

Victim-survivors who are found by the courts to be suffering from battered woman syndrome do not incur any criminal and civil liability notwithstanding the absence of any of the elements for justifying circumstances of self-defense under the Revised Penal Code.

In the determination of the state of mind of the woman who was suffering from battered woman syndrome at the time of the commission of the crime, the courts shall be assisted by expert psychiatrists/ psychologists.
In layman’s terms, now, under RA 9262, if an abused woman kills or inflict physical injuries on her abusive husband or live-in partner, once the trial court determines that she is suffering from the “Battered Woman Syndrome,” the court will declare her not guilty. (As I mentioned above, the Court stated that BWS was not proven in Genosa’s case and that the provisions of the Revised Penal Code on the elements of justifying circumstances on self-defense thus had to be followed.)

Characteristics of a battered woman

During the re-hearing at the Leyte trial court, expert witnesses Dra. Natividad Dayan and Dr. Pajarillo testified on what the Battered Woman Syndrome was. The Supreme Court decision states in detail what BWS is. For the sake of clarity, I have numbered the paragraphs of this portion of the Court’s decision.
[1] In claiming self-defense, Genosa raises the novel theory of the battered woman syndrome. While new in Philippine jurisprudence, the concept has been recognized in foreign jurisdictions as a form of self-defense or, at the least, incomplete self-defense. By appreciating evidence that a victim or defendant is afflicted with the syndrome, foreign courts convey their “understanding of the justifiably fearful state of mind of a person who has been cyclically abused and controlled over a period of time.”

[2] A battered woman has been defined as a woman “who is repeatedly subjected to any forceful physical or psychological behavior by a man in order to coerce her to do something he wants her to do without concern for her rights. Battered women include wives or women in any form of intimate relationship with men. Furthermore, in order to be classified as a battered woman, the couple must go through the battering cycle at least twice. Any woman may find herself in an abusive relationship with a man once. If it occurs a second time, and she remains in the situation, she is defined as a battered woman.”

[3] Battered women exhibit common personality traits, such as low self-esteem, traditional beliefs about the home, the family and the female sex role; emotional dependence upon the dominant male; the tendency to accept responsibility for the batterer’s actions; and false hopes that the relationship will improve.

[4] More graphically, the battered woman syndrome is characterized by the so-called “cycle of violence,” which has three phases: (1) the tension-building phase; (2) the acute battering incident; and (3) the tranquil, loving (or, at least, nonviolent) phase.

[5] During the tension-building phase, minor battering occurs - it could be verbal or slight physical abuse or another form of hostile behavior. The woman usually tries to pacify the batterer through a show of kind, nurturing behavior; or by simply staying out of his way. What actually happens is that she allows herself to be abused in ways that, to her, are comparatively minor. All she wants is to prevent the escalation of the violence exhibited by the batterer. This wish, however, proves to be double-edged, because her “placatory” and passive behavior legitimizes his belief that he has the right to abuse her in the first place.

[6] However, the techniques adopted by the woman in her effort to placate him are not usually successful, and the verbal and/or physical abuse worsens. Each partner senses the imminent loss of control and the growing tension and despair. Exhausted from the persistent stress, the battered woman soon withdraws emotionally. But the more she becomes emotionally unavailable, the more the batterer becomes angry, oppressive and abusive. Often, at some unpredictable point, the violence “spirals out of control” and leads to an acute battering incident.

[7] The acute battering incident is said to be characterized by brutality, destructiveness and, sometimes, death. The battered woman deems this incident as unpredictable, yet also inevitable. During this phase, she has no control; only the batterer may put an end to the violence. Its nature can be as unpredictable as the time of its explosion, and so are his reasons for ending it. The battered woman usually realizes that she cannot reason with him, and that resistance would only exacerbate her condition.

[8] At this stage, she has a sense of detachment from the attack and the terrible pain, although she may later clearly remember every detail. Her apparent passivity in the face of acute violence may be rationalized thus: the batterer is almost always much stronger physically, and she knows from her past painful experience that it is futile to fight back. Acute battering incidents are often very savage and out of control, such that innocent bystanders or intervenors are likely to get hurt.

[9] The final phase of the cycle of violence begins when the acute battering incident ends. During this tranquil period, the couple experience profound relief. On the one hand, the batterer may show a tender and nurturing behavior towards his partner. He knows that he has been viciously cruel and tries to make up for it, begging for her forgiveness and promising never to beat her again. On the other hand, the battered woman also tries to convince herself that the battery will never happen again; that her partner will change for the better; and that this “good, gentle and caring man” is the real person whom she loves.

[10] A battered woman usually believes that she is the sole anchor of the emotional stability of the batterer. Sensing his isolation and despair, she feels responsible for his well-being. The truth, though, is that the chances of his reforming, or seeking or receiving professional help, are very slim, especially if she remains with him. Generally, only after she leaves him does he seek professional help as a way of getting her back. Yet, it is in this phase of remorseful reconciliation that she is most thoroughly tormented psychologically.

[11] The illusion of absolute interdependency is well-entrenched in a battered woman’s psyche. In this phase, she and her batterer are indeed emotionally dependent on each other -- she for his nurturant behavior, he for her forgiveness. Underneath this miserable cycle of “tension, violence and forgiveness,” each partner may believe that it is better to die than to be separated. Neither one may really feel independent, capable of functioning without the other.
Effects of battering

The Supreme Court, based on the testimonies of the expert witnesses presented in Genosa’s defense, summarized the effects when a woman is abused over a period of time. Again, for the sake of clarity, I have numbered the paragraphs of this particular portion of the Court’s decision.
[1] Because of the recurring cycles of violence experienced by the abused woman, her state of mind metamorphoses. In determining her state of mind, we cannot rely merely on the judgment of an ordinary, reasonable person who is evaluating the events immediately surrounding the incident. A Canadian court has aptly pointed out that expert evidence on the psychological effect of battering on wives and common law partners are both relevant and necessary. “How can the mental state of the appellant be appreciated without it? The average member of the public may ask: Why would a woman put up with this kind of treatment? Why should she continue to live with such a man? How could she love a partner who beat her to the point of requiring hospitalization? We would expect the woman to pack her bags and go. Where is her self-respect? Why does she not cut loose and make a new life for herself? Such is the reaction of the average person confronted with the so-called ‘battered wife syndrome.’”

[2] To understand the syndrome properly, however, one’s viewpoint should not be drawn from that of an ordinary, reasonable person. What goes on in the mind of a person who has been subjected to repeated, severe beatings may not be consistent with -- nay, comprehensible to -- those who have not been through a similar experience. Expert opinion is essential to clarify and refute common myths and misconceptions about battered women.

[3] The theory of BWS formulated by Lenore Walker, as well as her research on domestic violence, has had a significant impact in the United States and the United Kingdom on the treatment and prosecution of cases, in which a battered woman is charged with the killing of her violent partner. The psychologist explains that the cyclical nature of the violence inflicted upon the battered woman immobilizes the latter’s “ability to act decisively in her own interests, making her feel trapped in the relationship with no means of escape.” In her years of research, Dr. Walker found that “the abuse often escalates at the point of separation and battered women are in greater danger of dying then.”

[4] Corroborating these research findings, Dra. Dayan said that “the battered woman usually has a very low opinion of herself. She has self-defeating and self-sacrificing characteristics.” When the violence would happen, they usually think that they provoked it, that they were the ones who precipitated the violence; that they provoked their spouse to be physically, verbally and even sexually abusive to them.”
As I pointed out in the introductory portion of this article, the Supreme Court decided the Genosa case several months before RA 9262 was promulgated. Now RA 9262, specifically Section 26, expressly provides for the “Battered Woman Syndrome” as a defense, even in the absence of any of the elements for justifying circumstances of self-defense under the Revised Penal Code.

Spousal abuse: In the name of submission?

In the area of relationships and marriage, there cannot be a more explosive and divisive issue than that of the headship of men and the submission of women. Sometime in the late 1990’s, I think, the Southern Baptist Convention issued an official statement asking women to “graciously submit” to their husbands. Needless to say, that statement was greeted with controversy, scorn and ridicule from different sectors and even from within the Convention itself. Feminist groups have been saying all these time that the Biblical injunction for women to submit to their husbands is an open invitation for spousal abuse.

If you want a thorough discussion of the Biblical doctrines of the headship of men and the submission of women, I recommend the following books to you:
[1] “Strike the Original match” by Chuck Swindoll; Multnomah Press © 1980; specifically the chapters entitled “Let’s Repair the Foundation” and “Bricks that Build a Marriage.”

[2] “The Grace Awakening” also by Chuck Swindoll; Word Publishing, ©1996; specifically the chapter entitled “A Marriage Oiled by Grace”

[3] “Together Forever” by Anne Kristin Caroll; Zondervan, © 1982 by Barbara J. Denis); specifically the chapter entitled “Who Wears the Pants?”

[4] “Rocking the Roles” by Robert Lewis and William Hendricks; NavPress, ©1991; specifically the chapters entitled “The ‘S’ Word” and “The Masculine Counterpart to the ‘S’ Word.”
For more relevant articles, please surf to The Council on Biblical Manhood & Womanhood website.This ministry offers free resources like articles, journal articles, sermons, book reviews, conference audio, online books, questions and answers, evangelical feminism and Biblical truth; with multi-lingual resources in Arabic, Chinese, Dutch, French, German, Italian, Portuguese, Russian and Spanish.

Biblical response to spousal abuse

In a previous article entitled “The Myth of Mutual Submission part 2”, I wrote about the true story of Lucy Tisland who, like Marivic Genosa, killed her husband after enduring years of abuse. The question is, “How should individual Christians, pastors and churches respond to the issue of spousal abuse?”

I have discussed this issue in my article entitled “Hope and help for the battered woman (5): Biblical response to spousal abuse” but let me re-state here some of the main points of that article:
[1] Spousal abuse is a sin, and as such, must be dealt with in keeping with Matthew 18, in situations where the spouses concerned are members of the church.

[2] Spousal abuse is not only a sin, but also a crime punishable under RA 9262. Since Romans 13 commands us to be subject to the higher powers, pastors and church counselors cannot close their eyes, send the abused woman back into the abusive situation, and simply hope for the best. God’s miracle and protection for the abused woman have already been provided for in laws such as RA 9262. Pastors and counselors should therefore be familiar with the provisions of this law in order to ably counsel abused women on their rights.