To Have and To Hold: upcoming seminar on marriage and relationships

This seminar for men and women, whether married, engaged, in a relationship or single, will be held on July 14, 2007, Saturday from 12 noon to 6 PM at Greenhills Christian Fellowship, Ruby cor. Garnet Road, Ortigas Cenrter, Pasig City (behind Robinson’s Galleria).

Subtitled “Experiencing God’s Dream for Your Marriage,” the seminar will be conducted by Chip Ingram, president of Walk Thru the Bible and teaching Pastor of its international broadcast ministry, Living on the Edge.

Tickets are at Php 150.00 inclusive of workbook and snacks. For details, contact Ms. Marjorie Jo or Ptr. Arnold Perona at 632-1354 to 56, or 635-0078 to 80 loc. 302 / 332.

Ruffa, Yilmaz, TV Patrol, divorce and remarriage by Filipinos; John and Gretchen?

Divorce obtained abroad by a Filipino is not recognized here

Several days ago, while surfing between 24 Oras and TV Patrol, I saw a news report by Ted Failon on divorce and remarriage by Filipinos, with special emphasis on the ongoing soap opera (sorry, I meant "situation") between Ruffa Gutierrez and Yilmaz Bektas. Failon's report concentrated on an interview with a former Family Court judge in Manila who said that Ruffa's marriage to Ylmaz was null and void for being bigamous. It appears Ruffa got married when she was 19 in the US, and has not since then been divorced.

While Failon's news report was factual at its core, what was wrong was the report's item and graphics on Article 15 (concerning divorce and remarriage) which Failon said came from the Family Code. The Family Code's Article 15 deals with the necessity of parental advice for men and women getting married between the ages 21 to 25. The Article 15 referred to in Failon's report actually comes from the New Civil Code of the Philippines. More on Article 15 later on in this article ...

A divorce obtained by a Filipino in another country, like the USA for example, is not recognized here in the Philippines. In several decisions, our Supreme Court has ruled that a Filipino who obtains a divorce abroad and gets married here again, is liable for bigamy. But what if the divorce is obtained by an alien spouse against a Filipino?

The 2nd paragraph of Article 26 of the Family Code states: “Where a marriage between a Filipino citizen and a foreigner is validly celebrated and a divorce is thereafter validly obtained abroad by the alien spouse capacitating him or her to remarry, the Filipino spouse shall have capacity to remarry under Philippine law. (As amended by Executive Order 227”)

When the divorce is obtained by an alien spouse against a Filipino 
 
We must make a distinction here. In the case of a Filipino married to an alien spouse, if he or she initiates or files the divorce action, the subsequent divorce will not be recognized here in the Philippines. If he or she gets married here again, he or she will be liable for bigamy.

However, if it is the alien spouse who initiates or files the divorce action, Article 26 of the Family Code will apply. The divorce is recognized here in the Philippines, and if the said divorce allows the former alien spouse to remarry, the Filipino will also have the right to remarry under Philippine law.

What about a Filipino couple where one later on becomes a foreign citizen and he/she obtains a divorce against the other?

Please read my post “The right of a divorced Filipino to remarry under Article 26 of the Family Code” where I discussed the 2005 Supreme Court ruling in Republic of the Philippines v. Cipriano Orbecido III. In this case, the Court ruled that

[1] Paragraph 2 of Article 26 of the Family Code should be interpreted to allow a Filipino citizen, who has been divorced by a spouse who had acquired foreign citizenship and remarried, also to remarry; and

[2] The reckoning point is not the citizenship of the parties at the time of the celebration of the marriage, but their citizenship at the time a valid divorce is obtained abroad by the alien spouse capacitating the latter to remarry.

Supreme Court rulings on divorce, remarriage, and bigamy

In People v. Schneckenburger, the Court held that the accused who secured a foreign divorce, and later remarried in the Philippines, in the belief that the foreign divorce was valid, is liable for bigamy.

The Court, in People v. Bitdu, carefully distinguished between a mistake of fact, which could be a basis for the defense of good faith in a bigamy case, from a mistake of law, which does not excuse a person, even a lay person, from liability. The Court held that even if the accused, who had obtained a divorce under the Mohammedan custom, honestly believed that in contracting her second marriage she was not committing any violation of the law, and that she had no criminal intent, the same does not justify her act.

The Supreme Court further stated therein that with respect to the contention that the accused acted in good faith in contracting the second marriage, believing that she had been validly divorced from her first husband, it is sufficient to say that everyone is presumed to know the law, and the fact that one does not know that his act constitutes a violation of the law does not exempt him from the consequences thereof.

The Supreme Court ruling in Garcia-Recio vs. Recio (G.R. No. 138322, October 2, 2001) below cites Article 26 of the Family Code, and Articles 15 and 17 of the New Civil Code:

Philippine law does not provide for absolute divorce; hence, our courts cannot grant it. A marriage between two Filipinos cannot be dissolved even by a divorce obtained abroad, because of Articles 15 and 17 of the Civil Code. In mixed marriages involving a Filipino and a foreigner, Article 26 of the Family Code allows the former to contract a subsequent marriage in case the divorce is “validly obtained abroad by the alien spouse capacitating him or her to remarry.” A divorce obtained abroad by a couple, who are both aliens, may be recognized in the Philippines, provided it is consistent with their respective national laws.

The real Article 15

Ted Failon's news report started off with the stories of Filipinos who get married in foreign countries where divorce is legal and readily available. The reasoning of these Filipinos is that if the marriage doesn't work out, they can legally get a divorce in that country where they got married.

As correctly pointed in that report, this reasoning is a mistake in view of Article 15. The mistake in Failon's report was in saying (and in the graphic shown on-screen) that Article 15 came from the Family Code. The truth is, the Article 15 that is applicable to divorce and remarriage of Filipinos is that Article 15 from the New Civil Code of the Philippines.

The reasoning of these Filipinos who get married abroad sounds good, but, sad to say, it’s legally flawed. Before telling you why this is so, please take note of the provisions of the New Civil Code of the Philippines cited below:

Art. 14. Penal laws and those of public security and safety shall be obligatory upon all who live or sojourn in the Philippine territory, subject to the principles of public international law and to treaty stipulations.

Art. 15. Laws relating to family rights and duties, or to the status, condition and legal capacity of persons are binding upon citizens of the Philippines, even though living abroad.

Art. 16. Real property as well as personal property is subject to the law of the country where it is stipulated.

However, intestate and testamentary successions, both with respect to the order of succession and to the amount of successional rights and to the intrinsic validity of testamentary provisions, shall be regulated by the national law of the person whose succession is under consideration, whatever may be the nature of the property and regardless of the country wherein said property may be found.

Art. 17. The forms and solemnities of contracts, wills, and other public instruments shall be governed by the laws of the country in which they are executed.

When the acts referred to are executed before the diplomatic or consular officials of the Republic of the Philippines in a foreign country, the solemnities established by Philippine laws shall be observed in their execution.

Prohibitive laws concerning persons, their acts or property, and those which have, for their object, public order, public policy and good customs shall not be rendered ineffective by laws or judgments promulgated, or by determinations or conventions agreed upon in a foreign country.

Filipinos bound by our laws, wherever they may be in the world

What these provisions of the New Civil Code say, especially Article 15, is that wherever Filipinos may be in, whether in the Philippines or anywhere else in the world, they have to follow our laws on marriage, as provided for in the Family Code. Our general legal principle is “lex loci celebrationis” which means that if a marriage by a Filipino is valid in the country where it is celebrated, then it is considered as valid here in the Philippines.

But this principle does not apply in cases or situations where the Family Code has declared certain “marriages” as incestuous, bigamous or null and void for reasons of morality or public policy. Thus, a marriage between Filipinos who are first cousins may be validly solemnized in some countries but such a marriage will not be recognized as valid here in the Philippines. Thus also, a divorce obtained by a Filipino abroad will not be recognized here in the Philippines. 

Well, well, well, Ruffa, Yilmaz, TV Patrol, divorce and remarriage by Filipinos ... One good thing about this Ruffa -Ylmaz soap opera (sorry, I meant "situation") is that through radio-TV-print reports, Filipinos are learning a lot of legal things about marriage and the family. Hmm, I wonder, what can we learn from John and Gretchen?

Fathers' Day special

Note: I first posted this article September 2006, and I am reprinting it here in view of Fathers' Day tomorrow.
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Why do men think the things they think, say the things they say, and do the things they do?

This is a picture of my niece Chloe (Grade 3) and my nephew Gino (Grade 1) during a swimming and birthday party for one of their schoolmates in Greenhills Christian Fellowship. They’re both cute just like their uncle. Hey, what can I say? Cuteness is in our genes!

Last year, during the hot summer months, my cute niece Chloe and cute nephews Danfil, Darwin, and Gino would oftentimes bring out the inflatable pool, place it in our dinky driveway, air it up, and fill it up with water. My nephews would just put on their shorts and their goggles and jump right into the water. My cute niece Chloe however would always come up me and ask for help in putting on her goggles. As I helped her put on her goggles, she would always tell me in a stern voice, “Huwag mong guluhin ang buhok ko!” Women! I mean, women kids!

In previous articles entitled “Can you read my mind?” and “Do wives really want husbands to share their feelings and thoughts with them?” I discussed some differences between men and women, and how women, following Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s advice, should engage in direct communication with their husbands. I was a bit worked up writing that article, asking twice rhetorically, as to what women really wanted from men.

Tough and Tender

Well, I’ve got an “oldie but a goodie” of a book written by Joyce Landorf way back in 1975 that states what women do want from their husbands. Entitled “Tough and Tender,” Landorf says that wives want their husbands to be:

1. The Decision Maker

2. The Spiritual leader

3. The Exceptional Listener

4. The Wise Gentleman

5. The Gentle Lover

Well, well, well, these don’t sound too difficult to be or to do, right, guys? But speaking as a lawyer who has counseled women over the years, I guess we have to admit that husbands really have a lot of work to do before reaching the standard that Landorf discusses in her book.

I’ve got to tell you that I am not married, and that the information and discussions in this blog about marriage and the family come firstly, from my readings and secondly, from my years of counseling women who either want to have their marriage annulled or who want to escape from abusive relationships. It’s not that I don’t want to get married because I do, as I told you in my previous “Covenant Marriage” article. It’s just that after having been turned down three times by the same woman, I’m beginning to get a little bit discouraged ...

In her last chapter (“A Most Unlikely Man”), Landorf enumerates several processes that are necessary for a man to grow into the man that God intends him to be. These are:

1. You may need a realignment of attitudes.

2. You may need to change; Learn to live with your past mistakes; Let each partner move at his own pace and at his own rate of speed toward change; Consider how you, not your wife or your children, could change to make your life and marriage more meaningful.

3. You may need to make a commitment to effort.

Well, we’ve heard from women what they want from us men. Perhaps it’s time now for women to listen how men think of themselves, how men really are, or simply, what makes men tick, so to speak.

Wild at Heart

John Eldredge, in one of his books (either “Journey of Desire” or “Wild at Heart”) says that people are not gender-less souls inhabiting male and female bodies. He says that we are created either as man or woman but either way, created in the image of God. What he says sounds truly Biblical, but I’m willing to be corrected by those of you who have better theological background than I have.

Eldredge in his book “Wild at Heart, Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul” (copyright 2001; published by Thomas Nelson Inc.) enumerates three universal desires that are the clues to masculinity itself. These are:

1. A battle to fight

2. An adventure to live

3. A beauty to rescue

Eldredge is a superb writer, in the class of Philip Yancey. Four lines from his book that are worth the price of the book (quite expensive at almost four hundred pesos) are the following:

1. Page 62: “Masculinity is bestowed.”

2. Page 63: “Femininity can never bestow masculinity.”

3. Page 184: “If masculinity has come under assault, femininity has been brutalized.”

4. Page 211: “… The most terrifying question any man ever asks his woman: ‘What’s wrong?” After that it’s all mystery. A woman doesn’t want to be related to with formulas, and she certainly doesn’t want to be treated like a project that has answers to it. She doesn’t wan to be solved; she wants to be known.”

What eloquent words can I use to say that Eldredge is a great writer? Hmm, maybe “WOW!” would best sum it all up.

There might, however, be some questions or reservations about Eldredge’s theology and ideas. In pages 30 and 31, for example, he espouses what is known in theology as “open theism,” that is, God takes real risks, not knowing the outcome of everything in the world. Calvinist theologian and Baptist pastor John Piper, I think, has effectively countered “open theism” in his book “The Pleasures of God.” Probe Ministries, in its review of Eldredge’s ideas, says that his language is inaccurate and that he sometimes confuses recklessness with manliness.

The Man in the Mirror

A lot of men measure their masculinity and worth through success, financially, academically or professionally. As the saying goes, “He who has the most toys, wins.” Or more eloquent still, “Big toys for the big boys!”

Using this criteria of success, Patrick Morley has definitely earned the right to speak about masculinity. He graduated with honors from the University of Central Florida and completed studies at Harvard Business School and Reformed Theological Seminary. He founded Morley properties which in the 1970’s became one of Florida’s one hundred largest privately held companies. When his book “The Man in the Mirror” became a worldwide bestseller in 1989, he sold his business and founded his ministry to men, encouraging and inspiring new lives through Jesus Christ. His website is http://www.maninthemirror.org/.

(The last time I looked, the only book of Morley that is locally available, beside “Man in the Mirror” is “Walking With Christ in the Details of Life.”)

Morley in his book discusses issues and problems that men struggle with. He answers the questions “Why do men think the things they think, say the things they say, and do the things they do?” Whether you’re a man or a woman, you will learn a lot from Morley’s discussion of the following issues:

1. The Rat Race
2. Leading an Unexamined Life
3. Biblical Christian or Cultural Christian?
4. Significance: The Search for Meaning and Purpose
5. Purpose: Why Do I Exist?
6. The Secret of Job Contentment
7. Broken relationships
8. Children: How to Avoid Regrets
9. Wives: How to be Happily Married
10. Friends: Risks and Rewards
11. Money: A Biblical Point of View
12. The Four Pillars of Financial Strength
13. Decisions: How to Make the Right Choice
14. Priorities: How to Decide What’s Important
15. Time Management: Doing God’s Will
16. Pride
17. Fear
18. Anger
19. The Desire to be Independent
20. Avoiding Suffering
21. Integrity: What’s the Price?
22. Leading a Secret Thought Life
23. Accountability: The Missing Link
24. How Can a Man Change?

Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart

The gender issues facing us today are primarily spiritual and theological at their core. Everything we do as humans is influenced strongly by our gender realities. Gender is a very basic element in dealing with our identity. In his or her soul, every human being asks a few basic questions: Who am I? Am I loved? Am I good or bad? Am I a boy or a girl – a man or a woman?

These lines are from Stu Webber’s book, “Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart” (copyright 1997; Multnomah Books; published in the Philippines by OMF Literature Inc). Webber is definitely a man’s man – he became an Airborne Ranger and then fought in the Vietnam War as one of the tough and elite Green Berets of the 5th US Special Forces. In one occasion, crunched inside a foxhole waiting to engage the Vietcong in bloody battle, Webber surrendered his life to God in full-time ministry.

Webber, drawing upon the work of secular psychologists Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette, says that there are four pillars of Biblical manhood upon which marriage, family, church and community (the nation) rest. All these institutions collapse when the pillars lean out of balance. According to Webber, these pillars and core characteristics of what a Biblical man truly is are the following:

1. King – provides; core characteristic – cares deeply

2. Warrior – protects; core characteristic - contends courageously

3. Mentor – teaches; core characteristic - communicates transparently
4. Friend – connects; core characteristic – connects deliberately

Citing Gillette and Moore, Webber in page 62 says that the common results in a man when a pillar is leaning, absent or abused are:

1. King becomes either an abdicator or a tyrant, resulting in disorder and chaos, family dysfunction, and oppression;

2. Warrior becomes a coward or a brute, results in fear, abuse, cruelty and hatred.

3. Mentor becomes either a dunce or know-it-all, resulting in lack of discipline, personal immaturity, disregard for Scripture and spiritual insensitivity.

4. Friend becomes a loner or a smotherer, resulting in unavailability, personal isolation, emotional detachment and illicit sensuality.

Probe Ministries has two articles on Webber's ideas which you might find interesting. These are "Four Pillars of a Man's Heart" and "Is the Tender Warrior Wild at Heart?"

Let’s hear it for the women!
 
A bonus part of Webber’s book is the postscript “A Woman Among The Pillars.” Here, Webber discusses the ways women can support the King Pillar of their husband’s hearts:

1. Read, learn, apply and learn.
2. Love unconditionally.
3. Listen intently.
4. Don’t expect him to meet all your emotional needs.
5. Understand the power you have.
6. See your husband as God’s gift to you.
7. Appreciate the little things he does, as well as the “big” things.
8. Give him some space.
9. Physically appreciate him
10. Follow his leadership.
11. See your marriage as a journey, not a destination.

Well, ladies, there you have it, the keys to understanding the man in your life, from men about men, for both men and women ... Happy Fathers' Day!

Update on the Mary Winkler case

A word of hope and encouragement for pastors' wives and female church workers

Note: I first posted this article May 2006 when this case was just beginning. Last April 20, 2007, a Tennessee jury convicted Mary Winkler of killing her husband Matthew, a pastor of the Church of Christ. Instead of first-degree murder which carries a penalty of life in prison, the jury convicted Mary of voluntary manslaughter. Voluntary manslaughter, which carries a penalty of three to six years in prison, is the “intentional or knowing killing of another in a state of passion produced by adequate provocation sufficient to lead a reasonable person to act in an irrational manner.”

The prosecution tried to prove that Matthew Winkler was a good father and husband, and that Mary intentionally killed her husband after an argument over their financial affairs. The prosecution presented witnesses to prove that Mary was involved in a check-kiting scheme and had been duped by the so-called Nigerian scam. Patricia, the 9-year old daughter, also testified that her father was a good man and that she never saw him mistreat her mother Mary.

But the jury, in convicting Mary of voluntary manslaughter instead of first degree murder, gave credence to her defense that she had been physically, psychologically and sexually abused by her husband for years, and that the shooting was accidental.

I am reprinting this article in view of this development, and for the benefit of pastors' wives and female church workers among you who may not have read this article before. As H. B. London has said, being a pastor may be hard but it is oftentimes more difficult being a pastor’s wife. A lot of pastors’ wives experience loneliness, isolation and depression, with no one to share their struggles with.

Gayle Haggard, author of "A Life Embraced: A Hopeful Guide for the Pastor’s Wife" (and who has her own significant issues with her pastor-husband), says that wives of pastors "can feel trapped by unrealistic expectations to live a certain way, to dress a certain way, for their children to behave a certain way."

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The facts of the case

On March 22, 2006, Mary Winkler, 32 years old, mother of three daughters with ages ranging from 1 to 8, and described as a quiet, unassuming grade school substitute teacher, killed her husband Matthew with a shotgun blast.

Considering the number of violent crimes in the USA, Mary Winkler’s case would have just been featured in the news media of the small town of Selmer, Tennessee (where the crime happened) and its surrounding communities. Instead, this case has captured national media attention in the US and has caused enormous worldwide traffic on the Internet.

Why? Primarily because Mary Winkler was a pastor’s wife, her husband Matthew being a 3rd generation pastor from the Church of Christ denomination.

Mary Winkler was arrested in Alabama several days after the crime. She had driven there with her three daughters – Breanna, 1; Mary Alice, 6; and Patricia, 8. Her daughters (who didn’t witness the shooting) are now under the care of their paternal grandparents.

After her arrest, Mary Winkler confessed to the police authorities as to why she killed her husband. But police officials have kept mum about the motive, except to say that marital infidelity wasn’t an issue. Due to Mary’s waiver of a preliminary hearing (where prosecutors would have been obligated to reveal part of their evidence), the motive has remained unknown to the media and the public.

Mary’s lawyer, Steve Farese (who’s handling the case on a pro bono basis), has floated to the media the possible defenses of post partum depression or temporary insanity.

Mary is scheduled next to face a grand jury investigation on whether first degree murder charges would be filed against her.

Other news items since Mary’s arrest have reported that (1) her youngest sister Patricia died at age eight of spinal meningitis; (2) her mother died of cancer in 1999; and (3) she never talked about her father after her mother’s death.

To their small congregation at Fourth Street Church of Christ in Selmer (population 4,600), the Winklers seemed like a perfect couple. But for one reason or another, Mary Winkler cracked and shot dead her husband.

The difficult lives of pastors' wives

H.B. London works for the Focus on the Family ministry, and is known as a “pastor to the pastors.” In the website www.parsonage.org, London says this about pastor’s wives:

It’s hard to be a pastor these days. But it’s often even harder to be married to one. Your life is filled with expectations – from everyone you know and many you have never met. Your congregation, your community, your kids and even your parents and siblings expect you to think, feel and behave in a particular way – and often, these expectations are in conflict with each other, not to mention how they match or don’t match your own expectations and dreams for yourself.

Helpful articles and resources for pastors’ wives and female church workers

Fundamentalist groups often criticize Dr. James Dobson and his Focus on the Family ministry for its ecumenical outlook. Setting aside for the moment this criticism, www.parsonage.org does offer a lot of helpful and informative articles and resources for pastors’ wives. Some of these articles are the following:

(1) A Salute to the Pastor’s Wife, by H.B. London
(2) Fill Her Up, by Jill Briscoe
(3) Friends, by Colleen Evans
(4) It Wasn’t Even Monday, by Jill Briscoe
(5) Making Friends When You’re a Ministry Wife, by Mary Manz Simon
(6) Riding the Ministry-Family Seesaw, by Walt and Fran Becker
(7) The High Chair Day, by Jane Rubietta
(8) What Pastors’ Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Them, by Barbara Milioni

Pastors' wives, depression and escaping from the ministry

Perhaps the most memorable and riveting article from this website is “How to Encourage Your Pastor’s Wife.” Written by Donna Bordelon Alder, it tells the true story of a pastor’s wife described as blonde, beautiful, graceful and slender. For one reason or another however, that pastor’s wife “in a white, northeast winter Sunday, while her children and husband were in church, committed suicide in the parsonage.” In her article, Alder enumerates the findings of her research (which she undertook as some sort of catharsis after the death by suicide of that unnamed pastor’s wife.) Some of her eye-opening findings are:

[1] Most pastors’ wives in her survey have had recurrent, obtrusive thoughts of escaping from the ministry in some irresponsible manner.

[2] Sixty three percent of pastors’ wives said what they liked most about being in ministry was meeting and helping people.

[3] The top two things that bother them are people who reject God after all their efforts, and not having enough willing workers. Forty four percent said they are most discouraged by unresponsive people.

[4] Forty seven percent said the thing they disliked most about ministry was other people’s expectations of them.

[5] Eighty eight percent of pastors’ wives have experienced periods of depression.

[6] Twenty four percent felt the greatest pressure came from themselves. Many feel frustrated that they cannot seem to be what they think a pastor’s wife should be.

[7] Many pastors’ wives long for a female friend in whom to confide.

Alder in her article suggests several practical ways by which people in the church can help encourage their pastor’s wife.

One other website which you might be interested in is that of the Global Pastors’ Wives Network at http://www.gpwn.org/.

Getting lost along the way

In my Advanced Composition class at the Asia Baptist Bible College, a required reading for my second year students is “Fit To Be Tied” by Bill and Lynne Hybels, specifically the chapters entitled “Getting Lost Along The Way” and “Living in Crisis Mode.” I may not agree with Bill Hybels’ methodology but “Fit To Be Tied” is probably the best book I have ever read on relationships and marriage.

In “Getting Lost Along The Way,” Lynne Hybels very honestly describes her travails and frustrations as a pastor’s wife. In one memorable portion (page191), Lynne says about herself,

But I am so tired. I feel so empty. It’s like someone drained the life out of me.

I feel like a robot … but not quite. I wish I were a robot. Then I could just program myself to do everything I am supposed to do. And not care. And not desire. And not feel. And not hurt. And not have a little core of individuality that yelps occasionally.
Is this what life is supposed to be? Is this the best I can do?

Throughout the summer months the frustration, the emptiness, intensified. I felt increasingly like a vacuous shell, like an image with no substance. I realized, as I looked deep inside, that there was “nobody home.” There was no person inside. No me.

If you are a pastor’s wife or a female church worker, I highly recommend that you read these chapters. “Fit To Be Tied” is originally published by Zondervan but reprinted here in the Philippines by Christian Literature Crusade, and is readily available in bookstores at around one hundred eighty pesos.

I understand that the Baptist Missions Partners (BMP-HELP), a grouping of churches in the Philippines led by my childhood friend Ptr. Edwin Tan, has held for the last two years a conference for pastors’ wives and female church workers. It’s my sincere hope that wives of Baptist pastors and female church workers here in the Philippines, whether within their own groupings or cutting across Baptist affiliations, could get together in a regular fellowship to help one another deal with the tough challenges facing them.

Love, friendship, second chances, and a roll of film

Chances are that you have seen the movie “Chances Are” starring Cybill Shepherd, Ryan O’Neal, Robert Downey Jr and Mary Stuart Masterson. It has been shown on television several times already. In fact, yesterday while I was learning how to cook fried rice, I caught snatches of this movie on cable TV. But I couldn't watch the movie in its entirety as I was more concerned watching the replay of the Cleveland Cavaliers' double overtime win over the Detroit Pistons.

“Chances Are” is a feel good movie which tells the story of a journalist who took a picture of a corrupt judge accepting a bribe from an accused whom he had set free earlier. The man who dies quite unexpectedly leaving a lonely widow played by Cybill Shepherd, manages to convince the angels at heaven’s gate that it wasn’t his time yet, and he is given a chance to go back to earth in the body of Robert Downey Jr. The angel however fails to erase all the memories of the man’s past life from Downey’s psyche. (Note: Read the Biblical objections to reincarnation.)

Twenty three years later - after the pictures were taken, after the man died, after the character played by Downey was born, after the birth of Cybill’s daughter played by Mary Stuart Masterson - well, she falls in love with Downey. But since Downey’s character had all the memories and mannerisms of Cybill’s husband, guess what happens when daughter brings the young man home to mama?

You guessed it - Downey falls in love with Cybill, much to Mary’s bewilderment, Cybill begins to care for Downey, and to add to the fun and confusion, Ryan O’Neal, who plays Cybill’s best friend, has been waiting patiently for 23 years to win Cybill’s affections.

Well, all things end well. Downey falls in love with Mary after the angel finally catches up with him and erases all memories of Cybill’s former husband from his psyche, and Ryan finally weds Cybill, their longtime friendship finally blooming into love!

Oh, and the corrupt judge also gets to be finally exposed for what he was; Cybill finds the roll of film taken by her husband 23 years earlier, has it processed, and the picture of the judge accepting a bribe gets published in all the newspapers.

You might ask, what’s the point of this mini movie review that's quite different in tone from my previous articles in this blog? Well, the roll of film gets processed after 23 years. It is highly improbable for that roll of film, even for black and white film, to still retain the latent images after that long period of time! Some of you might know that I have photography lessons in my Campus Connection blog.

Well, it’s just a movie of course, and technical things like films and latent images should not get in the way of love, friendship and second chances. We’re all suckers for sappy love stories and wonderful endings! Besides, what did poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge say about fiction? He said, “Fiction is the willing suspension of disbelief.”