“The Rose”

Where do we go from here? 2007 is over and we’re on the first day of 2008. We don’t know what this year will bring as these verses tell us:

Joshua 3:4 “that ye may know the way by which ye must go: for ye have not passed this way heretofore.”

James 14-15 “Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away. For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.”

As a way of saying thanks for all of you who browsed my blogs and websites (Legal Issues and Family Matters; Better English for Filipinos; and English for Asians and Africans) this year, please let me share with you this story entitled simply “The Rose.” Max Lucado popularized this story in his 1992 book “And The Angels Were Silent”. It surfaced in the Internet sometime in 1996 and has since then achieved the status of an urban legend. It has even become sermon illustrations (please see for example “Easter After Tremors: The Call to Love” by Mark Daniels).

Most reproductions of this story (whether in print or the Internet) state either that the story’s author is unknown or that it originally came from Max Lucado. However, the real author is someone named S. I. Kishor and the story was first published in Collier’s magazine sometime in 1943. In Lucado’s book, it appeared without attribution and was entitled “The People with the Roses.’ In the 1996 Canfield and Hansen collection “A 3rd Serving of Chicken Soup for the Soul”, S.I. Kishor was correctly identified as the author. Be that as it may, “The Rose” has become a runaway favorite among Internet users.

“The Rose” by S. I. Kishor

John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose.
His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II.

During the next year and one month the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding. Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn’t matter what she looked like.

When the day finally came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first meeting - 7:00 PM at the Grand Central Station in New York. “You'll recognize me,” she wrote, “by the red rose I'll be wearing on my lapel.”

So at 7:00 he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart he loved, but whose face he'd never seen. I'll let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened:

A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she was like springtime come alive. I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose.

As I moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips. “Going my way, sailor?” she murmured. Almost uncontrollably I made one step closer to her, and then I saw Hollis Maynell. She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes.

The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away. I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own. And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her.

This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even better than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever be grateful. I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment. “I'm Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me; may I take you to dinner?”

The woman's face broadened into a tolerant smile. “I don't know what this is about, son,” she answered, “but the young lady in the green suit who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should go and tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!”
It's not difficult to understand and admire Miss Maynell's wisdom. The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive.

Happy New Year!

And the bride wore white …

I began teaching in 1981 in Dona Aurora High School in the town of San Mateo, Rizal. Twenty six years ago, San Mateo was still a primarily agricultural town, with rice fields lining both sides of the street. After staying there for two years, I then transferred to Quezon City Science High School. After one year there, I went to Rizal High School in Pasig where I taught from 1984 up to 1995. One thing I learned from teaching in high school is that perhaps the most problematic time for students (boys and girls) is their junior year.

I remember in my first year of teaching, I saw a group of girls from my 3rd year advisory class climbing across a low wall at lunch time in order to cut their classes and as I found out later on. to spend time with their boyfriends. Together with one of my class officers, I ran after them and traced them to a house. I then went back to school and reported the incident to the principal. Parents and guardians were informed and disciplinary actions were handed down. One of these girls later on (right after high school) had to get married because she was already pregnant.

Statistics on teenage pregnancies and sexual experiences

Dr. James Dobson, I think, said that a million teenagers in the US get pregnant every year. In the Philippines, according to the 2003 National Demographic and Health Survey, one out of four women become mothers by age 19 while four out of 10 women in the 20-24-year-old bracket have already engaged in sexual activity.

In recent times, I have known of incidents involving unwed pregnancies and premarital sexual activities involving pastors’ kids and teenagers who grew up in church. One pastor asked me if he could solemnize a marriage between members of his church (both minors), the girl having gotten pregnant. I informed him that under the Family Code, no person below 18 can get married, even with parental consent. One pastor in Cavite who has become frustrated by what was happening to the young people in his church once asked me what to do.

I strongly support sexual abstinence and purity programs such as True Love Waits and Silver Ring Thing. One author I highly recommend to you (whether you are a mother or father, a teenager, a pastor or youth director) is Dannah Gresh.

Resources on sexual purity before and during marriage by Dannah Gresh

Dannah’s websites are www.purefreedom.org, www.secretkeepergirl.com and www.dannahgresh.com. Her books on sexual purity before and during marriage are “And the Bride Wore White,” “Pursuing the Pearl,” and “Secret Keeper Girl”.

November last year, I gave a lecture for the BMP-HELP pastors conference in Tagaytay City. Rushing home to Manila in the afternoon, I got to OMF Lit Bookstore in Boni Avenue, Mandaluyong just before 5 PM. From the love gift given to me by the pastors, I was able to buy at nearly seven hundred pesos the very last copy of “And the Bride Wore White.” Several months later, I gave this book as a graduation gift to the love of my life. She is the second most beautiful woman in the universe. Who is the most beautiful woman in the universe, you ask? Well, who else but movie actress Angel Locsin!

In the Purefreedom website, Dannah and her husband Bob, explain what their ministry to young men and women is all about:

It is the mission of Pure Freedom to equip men and women of all ages to live a vibrant life of purity, to experience healing from past impurity if it exists in their lives, and to experience a vibrant, passionate marriage which portrays the love Christ has for his Bride the church.(Ministry verse: Ephesians 5:31,32)

Pure Freedom provides resources with radically-unique approaches to focus on specific issues that teen girls and/or guys face in the area of purity and holiness. Our events, the hallmark of our ministry, are about sexual purity and yet they are much more about the totality of a life submitted to the will of God in a quest to enjoy the blessings of His plan.

We believe that the temptation to fail sexually comes in different forms for girls and for boys. We also believe that they will one day enjoy God's gift of sex within the confines of marriage for different reasons. Whereas the girls are primarily emotionally driven, the guys are primarily driven by sight. Because of this dichotomy, it is vital that we educate them separately and emphasize different areas of temptation.

In their seminars for young men and women, Dannah and Bob have expounded on the Bible’s principles on sexual purity through their discussion of the Hebrew word "yada". In their website, they explain that "yada" is used to both refer to holy sexuality as in that between Adam and Eve AND to refer to the holy knowing that a man can know with God. It speaks of the emotional and spiritual nature of a relationship.

Seven secrets to sexual purity

Dannah, in her book “And the Bride Wore White”, discusses the following secrets to maintaining sexual purity:

[1] Purity is a process.
[2] Purity dreams of its future.
[3] Purity is governed by its value.
[4] Purity speaks boldly.
[5] Purity loves its Creator at any cost.
[6] Purity embraces wise guidance.
[7] Purity watches burning flames.

Dannah does not simply discuss things at a theoretical level. One of the very practical tips she gives in her book on how teenagers can stay sexually pure is to "stay public and stay vertical."

The quest for a pure, passionate marriage

The second book by Dannah Gresh which I have read is “Pursuing the Pearl” (it was a gift from Bro. David Witta and his family from Massachusetts, USA). In this book, she discusses what she calls “The Enemy’s Fake Pearls” which are [1] status and stuff; [2] social acceptance; [3] giving up and starting over; [4] pride and dreams.

Locally, this book costs around four hundred pesos. That is quite steep, but what Dannah says in page pages 62 and 63 are worth the price of the book. She warns her readers, “Sexual impurity is a zero tolerance arena. You are on shaky ground if there are emotional bonds being created between you and another man (or your husband and another woman).” Dannah explains that these bonds begin with little things like:

• Innocently having lunch alone with a man


• Seeking advice from a man about personal issues, especially marital issues


• Seeking or accepting frequent praise or affirmation from the same man


• Being or becoming comfortable with being alone in an office or a home together


• Intentionally seeking out time to be with this man


• Manipulating your schedule to see him


• Spending time fantasizing about him

If you are parents concerned about your teenage kids and their sexual purity, a pastor or youth leader seeking to help your youth group, or a man or woman thinking of the best Christmas gift to give the love of your life, consider giving them any of Dannah Gresh’s books.

The only book by Dannah Gresh I haven’t read yet is “Secret Keeper Girl.” Two problems. One, as far as I know, there are no copies of this book locally. Two, even if it were available, how do I go about buying the book? Hey, I am a guy and I’m thinking, what would the store clerks say if I bought a copy of this book?

What cancer cannot do

Last Sunday morning, I was informed that the valedictorian of my batch in law school (Jose Rizal College, now Jose Rizal University) died of cancer of the pancreas. Back in our law school days, we competed against each other in class recitations and in exams. In recent years, I referred cases to him, and in turn, he would ask me to make special appearances whenever he had conflicts in his trial schedule.

Many years ago, Dra. Rita Cruz-Clavio, long-time doctor in Rizal High School in Pasig City died after a lingering bout also with cancer of the pancreas. Early this year, my former church mate (Bethany Makati) Dra. Myrna Gigantone succumbed to cancer.

Perhaps my earliest memory of someone suffering from and dying of cancer is that of Rose, sort of an “ate” to me during my days at the Mandaluyong Bible Baptist Church in Nueve de Febrero St. in the 1970’s. She was an Ilocana and so we called her “Manang Rose”. For over a year, she was very sick but doctors couldn’t diagnose what was wrong with her. It was only when her nurse-friend Azer (if I remember her name correctly) took Rose to PGH that she was diagnosed with cancer. I remember that Sunday morning when our pastor announced that Manang Rose was terminally ill with cancer.

She was confined in PGH and since I was studying at that time in the nearby Philippine Christian University, I visited Manang Rose one afternoon. I found her in a good mood and she kept telling me and another visitor that she was feeling quite well and that she wanted to go home. I knew she was dying and I turned to look at the traffic in Taft Avenue to avoid looking at her. Her family finally brought her home to Tayug, Pangasinan but even then, they could not muster the courage to tell her that she was dying.

Manang Rose died and we were told that during her last moments, she was singing her favorite gospel song. Several members of the church went to Tayug for the funeral. I wanted so much to go to Tayug to say my final goodbye to Manang Rose and so I borrowed money from my sister for the transportation.

Below is a short but very famous poem about cancer. The author’s unknown but it began circulating sometime in 1999. There’s a PDF version of this poem which you might want to download.

Cancer is so limited...

It cannot cripple Love.
It cannot shatter Hope.
It cannot corrode Faith.
It cannot destroy Peace.
It cannot kill Friendship.
It cannot suppress Memories.
It cannot silence Courage.
It cannot invade the Soul.
It cannot steal Eternal Life.
It cannot conquer the Spirit.

Hope: Where is God when it hurts?

One of my favorite writers is Philip Yancey. I don't agree with everything he says but in terms of language and writing style, he is head and shoulders above other Christian writers. I have read and re-read several of his books (What's So Amazing About Grace?; Reaching for the Invisible God; Finding God in Unexpected Places; Disappointment with God; The Jesus I Never Knew; In His Image; Fearfully and Wonderfully Made.) My favorite among Yancey's books is his classic "Where is God When It Hurts?" The best chapters in this book are "Arms Too Short to Box with God" and On My Feet Dancing." On page 77 of this book, Yancey sums up what God may be saying to us in times of pain, sickness, or death:

“God is speaking to us through pain - or perhaps, in spite of pain. He can use it to make us aware of Him. The symphony He is working out includes minor chords, dissonance, and tiring fugal passages. But those of us who follow His conducting through these early movements will, with renewed strength someday burst into song.”

Memories and an unanswered question

The question that has been in my mind all these years is, should we have told Manang Rose that she was terminally ill? We had to respect her family's desire not to tell her and so we did not.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross became famous with her study on death and dying. She discovered that a person who knows he or she is terminally ill oftentimes goes through certain stages – anger, denial, bargaining and acceptance. Kubler-Ross discovered that a dying person oftentimes focuses not on his or her academic achievements, career highlights, professional pinnacles, but on snatches of childhood memories, stories of friendships from long ago, and on events that may have seemed insignificant at the time but which impending death and reflection have now given a new perspective. A dying person oftentimes thinks about places that hold special memories (the house in the province, the old high school), childhood friends, falling in love for the first time …

Zoe: Eternal life

Theologians tell us that “zoe” is the Greek word for “eternal life” or “eternity.” One pastor, teaching on eternal life, was innocently asked by a grade school student, “Pastor, do you mean to say that I will forever be a Grade 5 student?” The pastor then explained that “zoe” does not refer only to an endless period of time but also to the distinct quality of life for that endless period of time.

When I was a first year student in high school, I had a classmate named Felino (a math genius). One time, as we were on the top level of the grandstand, gazing at the Marikina River flowing lazily behind the school, Felino said that when his time to die came, he wanted to be cremated and his ashes scattered all over the river. That he said, was his idea of eternal life.

I think it was martyred missionary Jim Elliot who said, “When it’s your time to die, make sure that all you have to do is die.” What he says, I think, is not to leave any loose ends in your life - no words of love, affirmation or encouragement left unsaid; no hurts and heartaches inflicted by other people left unforgiven; none of your own sins and offenses against other people left unconfessed …
Famous American preacher Peter Marshall (former chaplain of the US Senate) once said, "Death isn't a wall, it's a door." The Apostle Paul clarifies in I Corinthians 15:51-58 that death comes to us all and then eternity begins:

Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,
In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.

For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.

So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory.

O death, where is thy sting?

O grave, where is thy victory?

The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law.

But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.