RA 7610: preventing the sexual abuse of children

As a schoolteacher, I have known several students who were sexually abused. One student (valedictorian of his high school class) was sexually abused when he was about seven years old by a relative. Another student was repeatedly sexually abused by his two older brothers.

As a lawyer, I have been consulted by pastors and members on issues dealing with sexual abuse not only in their communities but also in their churches. One pastor who ministers in a depressed area in Metro Manila told me of numerous cases of girls being abused by their own fathers.

Republic Act 7610 is our country’s law on the prevention of child abuse and exploitation. Section 3 (b) of the law enumerates the various forms of child abuse, among others, as psychological and physical abuse, neglect, cruelty, sexual abuse and emotional maltreatment. In this post, I will focus on the issue of child sexual abuse and how parents, schools and communities can deal proactively with this problem.

There are numerous resources available on the Internet on the issue of child sexual abuse. What I will do in this post is to give highlights of these resources and provide the links so that you can read the articles in their entirety.

Facts and statistics on child abuse in the Philippines

[1] http://www.childprotection.org.ph/ is a website that features organizations in the Philippines, both state-run and non-governmental, that work on the issue of child protection. It is a project supported by the Arci Cultura E Sviluppo, Save the Children (UK) Philippines, and UNICEF Manila with the participation of eight other organizations. Among its statistics on child abuse are:

There are 1.5 million streetchildren. DSWD estimates that this number increases annually by 6,365.

Of the 1.5 million streetchildren, 60,000 are prostituted (ECPAT 1996). The DSWD claims that the annual average increase of prostituted children is 3,266.

The Philippines is the fourth country with the most number of prostituted children (Intersect, December 1995).

Research studies conducted in schools show that for every 3 Filipino children, one child experiences abuse (Manila Bulletin, 11 February 1996). During the first semester of 1999 alone, there were 2,393 children who fell prey to rape, attempted rape, incest, acts of lasciviousness and prostitution (DSWD 1st semester, CY 1999).

[2] Most Negros rape victims are children, from Philippine Daily Inquirer Visayas Bureau, by Romey G. Amarado

Police recorded a total of 145 rape cases in Negros Oriental between January and June this year. 122 of them were children according to the Women and Children's Concerns Desk (WCCD) of the PNP. Of the 51 cases that were directly recorded by the WCCD, 42 of them were children, half of them under the age of 12 and the rest, aged 15 to 17. The majority of the victims were girls and the youngest was a four-year-old boy raped by his uncle in Dumaguete City. Two cases were incest; eleven and sixteen year-old girls were the victims.

Last year 94 cases were reported, 70 of these were children. Twenty-four of the victims were 12 years old and younger. The youngest victim in 2000 was a two-year-old girl. Researches hold that most cases of rape are unreported and for every one that is reported at least ten more can be presumed. The WCCD is conducting children's rights awareness seminars which in turn, seems to be resulting in more reports of child abuse.

Myths and facts about sexual abuse

One great secular resource on child sexual abuse is the blog Telling It Like It Is, with articles written by Lin Burress. Very candidly, Lin reveals that she was a victim of sexual abuse as a child. Despite learning all she could about the issue and teaching her children about the warning signs, Lin says that “one of her sons was sexually abused at a young age by a highly respected church minister and close family friend, inside the church she attended at that time.”

In Lin’s article entitled “Child Molestation Prevention Signs and Symptoms of Child Sexual Abuse,” she tackles the issues of (a) Signs of Sexual Abuse; (b) Why Don’t Children Tell? and (c) What Can Parents Do To Keep Children Safe?" Lin warns that:

Most sexual abuse is committed by people the child already knows such as friends, relatives, caregivers, trusted adults as well as complete strangers. Sexual abuse takes many forms and can involve forcing, coercing, bribing or threatening a child into sexual activity. The abuse often begins gradually and increases over time unless discovered.

Among other valuable articles in Lin’s blog are the following:

• Child Sexual Abuse: Facts vs. Myths
• Why Don’t Kids Tell? Talking to Your Children About Sexual Abuse
• Mother Blame: Blaming Mothers of Sexually Abused Children
• Child Safety and Child Sexual Abuse-The Series

Danger signals about sexual predators; local resources available

The Center for the Prevention & Treatment of Child Sexual Abuse (CPTCSA) is a non-profit, non-government, child-focused institution working towards a safe world for children free from sexual abuse exploitation. This NGO, based in UP Village, Quezon City, has numerous materials on the prevention of child sexual abuse, including a ten-session Sunday School material. Some materials are free while others are for sale.

In its flyers and posters, CPTCSA enumerates some of the early warning signals and telltale signs of sexual offenders which children - and their parents - should be aware of. These are:

[1] Offender says you are special, different or the only one who really understands him
[2] Treats you differently from other kids; gives you special privileges; treats you like an adult while he acts like a kid
[3] Says he is teaching you sex education by showing you pornographic pictures or movies; he shows his body or touches yours
[3] Puts lotion or ointment on you when your mother or others are not around (even when you don’t need the ointment)
[4] Offenders hang around school, yard or park where children play; tells you “not to tell” or asks to “keep a secret”
[5] Does not let you have friends or does not let you do things that other kids your age do
[5] Comes into your bedroom for no reason
[6] Asks you to do things that involve physical contact or touching of private parts
[7] Offender wants to spend time alone with you; makes excuses for you to go places with him
[8] Asks questions or makes accusations about sex between you and your boyfriends
[9] “Accidentally” comes into the bathroom when you are taking a bath; not respecting your privacy
[10] May fool your parents into allowing you to be “friends” through bribes and other tricks

The CPTCSA books and flyers also list “Wants to take your pictures” as an early warning signal and telltale sign of sexual offenders, but since photography is the number one hobby in the world, this sign should be taken not in isolation but in relation with the other warning signs.

Valuable resources on the issue of child sexual abuse and prevention

If you want to avail of print materials and videos on the issue of child sexual abuse and how you can proactively deal with this problem, please surf to the Reformed Churches in America website.

“Sacred Romance” and other books by John Eldredge

Early morning today, according to my Bravenet site meter, my Legal Updates blog reached beyond 10,000 visitors since October 2007. With a daily average of 70+ visitors from more than 50 countries around the world, some 25,000 viewers will visit that blog this year. Considering the time spent on site and number of page views, not all of these visits are or will be significant. But the figures are gratifying for any blogger, nevertheless.

The service I provide in my blogs and in my Family Matters website is free legal information and Biblical counseling. As I told one person who e-mailed me, what is legal is not always Biblical, and what is Biblical is not always legal. In my website and blogs however, what is Biblical will always take precedence.

Despite this milestone for the Legal Updates blog, two things sadden me:

One, the most visited pages of the Legal Updates blog are those dealing with annulment or declaration of nullity of marriage; the article I wrote about entertainer Amy Perez’s petition to have her marriage to Brix Ferraris declared null and void; and the article dealing with adultery, concubinage, and psychological violence.

Two, there are more people who visit the Legal Updates blog than this blog you are viewing right now (Salt and Light). Compared to Legal Updates, this blog is limping along with only 5,000+ visitors since October 2007. It seems that there are more people who want to know about how to end their marriage than people concerned about building stronger marriages.

I remember Valentine’s Day last year. I received an e-mail from a woman, competent and highly successful in her profession. The problem was, her professional success had led to the breakdown of her marriage because her husband had become totally insecure. The question she desperately asked me was, “Is there hope for my marriage?” I spent the whole afternoon of that Valentine’s Day answering the e-mail, assuring her that yes, there was still hope for her marriage.

Anyway, on this significant day, please let me share with you some of the delights I have had in reading John Eldredge’s books. I do not agree with everything Eldredge says, but in terms of writing style, I think he is one of the best I have read. (Probe Ministries, for example, criticizes Eldredge for equating manliness with recklessness.)

“The Sacred Romance”

The very first book by Eldredge I read was “The Sacred Romance” (co-written with Brent Curtis). I got hooked on the book after I read the back cover and the first two pages. I could not put the book down after that and I read it through. I gave that first copy of “Sacred Romance” to a former high school yearbook staffer as a birthday gift. (She told me later that her father read the book before her; she gave birth recently to her first child named Sean Elijah.)

I then bought another copy of “Sacred Romance” and read it through again. Around four years ago, I gave that second copy to a very special woman. I told her that if there was only one book I could ever give her, it was “Sacred Romance.”

Here’s an example of Eldredge’s excellent writing from the chapter entitled “God the Ageless Romancer” which is actually the core of the book.

We so long for life to be better than it is. We wish the beauty and love and adventure would stay and that someone strong and kind would show us how to make the Arrows go away. We hope that God will be our hero. Of all the people in the universe, he could stop the Arrows and arrange for just a little more blessing in our lives. He can spin the earth, change the weather, topple governments, obliterate armies, and resurrect the dead. Is it too much to ask that he intervene in our story? But he often seems aloof, almost indifferent to our plight, so entirely out of our control. Would it be any worse if there were no God? If he didn't exist, at least we wouldn't get our hopes up. We could settle once and for all that we really are alone in the universe and get on with surviving as best we may.

This is, in fact, how many professing Christians end up living: as practical agnostics. Perhaps God will come through, perhaps he won't, so I'll be hanged if I'll live as though he had to come through. I'll hedge my bets and if he does show up, so much the better. The simple word for this is godlessness. Like a lover who's been wronged, we guard our heart against future disappointment.

When we feel that life is finally up to us it becomes suffocating. When we are the main character, the world is so small there's barely room to move. It frees our souls to have something going on before us that involves us, had us in mind, yet doesn't depend on us or culminate in us, but invites us up into something larger. And what about the Romance and the Arrows? It wasn't supposed to be like this. Once upon a time we lived in a garden; we lived in the place for which we were made. There were no Arrows, only beauty. Our relationships weren't tainted with fear, guardedness, manipulation, quid pro quo. Our work was rewarding; we received more than we gave. There is beauty, and we so long for it to last; we were made for the Garden. But now there is affliction also, and that is because we live East of Eden. The Arrows seem like the truest part of life, but they are not. The heart of the universe is still perfect love.

Finally, if we try to relate to God primarily as Author, we will go mad or despair–pretty much the same thing. I just can't imagine the characters of a novel affecting the author that much. He may like them, hate them, be intrigued with mapping out their development, but they don't impact him the way the people in his real life do. He doesn't live with them as flesh-and-blood lovers. But when we see God as the Hero of the story and consider what he wants for us, we know one thing for certain: We affect him. We impact the members of the Trinity as truly as they do each other. It is only when we see God as the Hero of the larger story that we come to know his heart is good.

Other books by Eldredge I have read are “Wild At Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul” and “The Journey of Desire: Searching for the Life We’ve Only Dreamed Of”. Barnes and Noble provided the synopsis of the books below and you can read sample chapters also from Barnes and Noble. You can buy copies of these books locally from OMF Lit in Boni Avenue, Mandaluyong, in PCBS outlets, and Back to the Bible Bookstore in West Avenue. Eldredge’s books are a little bit expensive (“Sacred Romance is about four hundred pesos), but they are definitely worth every peso.

The Journey of Desire: Searching for the Life We’ve Only Dreamed Of

Synopsis by Barnes and Noble (sample chapter available)

Sometimes it seems we just can't get what we want. Circumstances thwart our best-laid plans. We struggle to live a heartfelt life. Worst of all, says Eldredge, the modern church mistakenly teaches its people to kill desire (calling it sin) and replace it with duty or obligation (calling it sanctification). As a result, at best Christians tend to live safe, boring lives of resignation. At worst, their desire eventually breaks out in destructive ways such as substance abuse, affairs, and pornography addictions. In The Journey of Desire, Eldredge invites readers to rediscover God-given desire and to search again for the life they once dreamed of.

Wild At Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul
Synopsis by Barnes and Noble (sample chapter available)

God designed men to be dangerous, says John Eldredge. Simply look at the dreams and desires written in the heart of every boy: To be a hero, to be a warrior, to live a life of adventure and risk. Sadly, most men abandon those dreams and desires-aided by a Christianity that feels like nothing more than pressure to be a "nice guy." It is no wonder that many men avoid church, and those who go are often passive and bored to death. In this provocative book, Eldredge gives women a look inside the true heart of a man and gives men permission to be what God designed them to be-dangerous, passionate, alive, and free.

Happy Mothers' Day!

I posted the “All about women” article below two years ago and I am reprinting it here in view of the worldwide celebration of Mothers’ Day tomorrow. My mother died August 2004 at age 80 of an inoperable heart condition. I am missing her right now, not because I am sick with slight fever, cough and cold, but because of everything she had done for me.

Before you get into the article, however, for mothers in particular and women in general, this excerpt from “Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul” (by John Eldredge and his wife Stasi) may excite, intrigue and arouse your interest about what it really is to be a woman. Okay, okay, even men like me can learn to appreciate knowing the core of femininity. Okay, here we go!

The mystery of the feminine heart was meant to be a good thing, by the way. A source of joy. Yet it has become a source of shame - women almost universally feel that they are "too much" and "not what they should be." And men tend to pull away from the deeper waters of a woman's soul, unsure of what they will find there or how to handle it. And so we have missed the treasure that is the heart of a woman, missed the richness femininity was meant to bring to our lives, missed the way it speaks to us of the heart of God.

Rest assured - this is not a book about all the things you are failing to do as a woman. We're tired of those books. As a new Christian, the first book I (Stasi) picked up to read on godly femininity I threw across the room. I never picked it up again. In the twenty-five years since, I have only read a few I could wholeheartedly recommend. The rest drive me crazy. Their messages to women make me feel as though, "You are not the woman you ought to be - but if you do the following ten things, you can make the grade." They are, by and large, soul-killing. But femininity cannot be prescribed in a formula.

We have women friends who love tea parties and china, and friends who break out in hives at the thought of them. We have women friends who love to hunt, bow hunt even. Women who love to entertain and women who don't. Women who are professors, moms, doctors, nurses, missionaries, dentists, homemakers, therapists, chefs, artists, poets, rock climbers, triathletes, secretaries, salespeople, and social workers. Beautiful women, all.

So - is a true woman Cinderella or Joan of Arc? Mary Magdalene or Oprah? How do we recover essential femininity without falling into stereotypes, or worse, ushering in more pressure and shame upon our readers? That is the last thing a woman needs. And yet, there is an essence that God has given to every woman. We share something deep and true, down in our hearts. So we venture into this exploration of femininity by way of the heart. What is at the core of a woman's heart? What are her desires? What did we long for as little girls? What do we still long for as women? And, how does a woman begin to be healed from the wounds and tragedies of her life?

Sometime between the dreams of your youth and yesterday, something precious has been lost. And that treasure is your heart, your priceless feminine heart. God has set within you a femininity that is powerful and tender, fierce and alluring. No doubt it has been misunderstood. Surely it has been assaulted. But it is there, your true heart, and it is worth recovering. You are captivating.

So we invite you to take a journey with us, a journey of discovery and healing. For your heart is the prize of God's Kingdom, and Jesus has come to win you back for himself - all of you. To help your journey, we've written Captivating: A Guided Journal. You might want to use it as you read this book. And, gather a group of women and go through it together! We pray that God will use this book in your life, in your heart, to bring healing, restoration, joy, and life! And if God does that, it will be cause for a wonderful celebration. With teacups and china. Or paper plates. Whatever. One day, we will all celebrate together. In anticipation and hope, may this little book draw you closer to God's heart - and your own.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

All about women: Move over, Jang Geum!
I have a deep and dark confession to make to all of you.

Since last year, I have been completely out of touch with millions of Filipinos …

Okay, okay, enough already. I’m getting so melodramatic in this introduction that some of you might be jumping to wild conclusions about what this is all about. Actually, what I want to say is that last year, when millions of Filipinos were glued to their television sets nightly watching GMA 7’s “Jewel in the Palace” I didn’t have a clue what the fuss was all about. The Koreanovela began and ended, and all I got to view was a few minutes of the show while I was riding on a Crossing bound aircon bus traveling along Ayala Avenue.

The only inkling I had of the show’s enormous popularity was when I heard a well-known Filipino pastor speak at length in a world missions conference about how he was forced to watch the show (its stars like Jang Geum and various cooking techniques) simply because his wife adamantly refused to watch any other show during that time slot.

Well, I found about two or three weeks ago, while waiting for the 6:30 news on television, that due to enormous public demand, “Jewel in the Palace” was being aired again by GMA 7. I’m catching snatches here and there of the show, of Jang Geum and kitchen politics in the royal palace, while I’m channel surfing waiting for the news programs to come on. Truth to tell, I just can’t relate to a show where the men wear funny looking hats! Give me the telenovela “Gokusen” anytime! The only Korean words I know and like are Tae Kwon Do, Hwa Rang Do, Tang Soo Do, Kuk Sool Won and Hapkido. (Some of you might know that all of these terms refer to Korean martial arts, with Hwa Rang Do founded by Joo Bang Lee, Tang Soo Do popularized in the US by Chuck Norris and his spinning back kick, and Hapkido featured in the 1970’s “Billy Jack” movies starring Tom Laughlin and Bong Soo Han.)

Anyway, I can’t argue with millions of Filipino women (and about several hundred men) who passionately follow the triumphs and travails of Jang Geum and who hold her up as the ideal woman. So if it suddenly becomes quiet in your neighborhood tonight, you’ll know that it’s Jang Geum time.

Sex is a gift of God that strengthens the marriage bond

While browsing in a used books stall in SM Centerpoint, Sta. Mesa, Manila more than a month ago, I found a book by Debra Evans entitled “The Christian Woman’s Guide to Sexuality” (copyright 1997; Published by Crossway Books). Okay, okay, I know some of you are now shaking your heads and wondering why I would be reading this kind of a book. Well, for two reasons. One, I will give this book as a gift to my future wife, whoever she might be by God's gracious provision. Two, I want to understand what makes women tick, so to speak. I think it was poet John Donne who said, “Every woman is a science.” In the 1970’s I had a National Science Development Board engineering scholarship in UP Diliman. I lost the scholarship when I failed Physics 41, Math 53, Engineering Science I, and barely passed Chem 17. Hmm, this must be the reason why I don’t understand women…

Evans, a healthcare educator specializing in women’s health issues and family wellness, clearly discusses, with charts and detailed illustrations, the practical, physical and physiological aspects of sex within marriage, the female anatomy, childbearing, family planning, etc. from a medical and Biblical viewpoint. In one of the annexes to her book, Evans summarizes the Judeo-Christian views of sex, in opposition to the humanistic and hedonistic views. Some of these views are:

[A] Origin of human life: Humans were created in the image of their Creator God.

[B] Purpose of sex: Sex is viewed as a means to an end: (1) The means through which “two become one flesh.” (2) To make the earth fruitful for God. (3) An end to “aloneness” and emotional isolation.

[C] Acceptable forms of sexual expression: Sexual activity between a man and a woman within marriage only.

[D] View of sex as it relates to the family: Sex is a gift of God that strengthens the marriage bond; children are viewed as a blessing, and certain forms of sexuality are viewed as destructive to sexual identity in all situations: adultery, prostitution, rape, promiscuity, incest, bestiality, homosexuality, pornography, exhibitionism.

[E] Individual rights: An individual expresses his or her sexuality in accordance with the will of God as laid out in the Bible; he or she belongs to God. Each spouse’s body belongs to the other.

[F] Belief in an afterlife: Beyond death lies heaven or hell, eternal life or eternal damnation.

[G] Accountability: Each individual is accountable to a personal Creator for his or her choices, words or actions.

Menstruation and the Levitical law
 
The Old and New Testaments mention that a woman while having her menstrual period is considered as “unclean.” For a lot of people reading these Bible passages, especially Leviticus 15:19-21, 24 and 31, all this talk of a woman being “unclean” smacks of gross ignorance, chauvinism and prejudice against women. But Evans explains in pages 65 and 66 of her book the reasons for the Levitical prohibitions on touching an “unclean” woman or anything she uses or touches. Evans explains that the menstrual flow comes from the discharge from the endometrium and blood from the capillaries lining the uterus. This discharge leaves the female body in a clean state but becomes a medium for bacterial growth once it is exposed to air, leading to diseases and infections.  

Evans reminds her readers that at the time of the Levitical law, Jewish women lived in the desert, without a reliable source of water, without soap (invented only in the 1800’s) and definitely without the sanitary items women today can simply buy at any store. She says that the Levitical prohibitions were God's omniscient way of protecting the health of the Jewish people.

Except for her view on mutual submission, I highly endorse Debra Evans’ book to you. There’s a phrase Evans used twice or thrice in her book that completely took me by surprise by its frankness and uniqueness (she first used the phrase in page 77, if I remember correctly). The phrase is …. Nah, I can’t tell you in public, not like this! Read the book! Read the book!
Other books by Evans which you might be interested in are the following: Heart and Home; Beauty for Ashes; Preparing for Childbirth; Preparing for Childbirth; The Woman’s Complete Guide to Personal Health Care; Women of Character; Kindred Hearts; and, Blessing Your Husband.

Great materials from the Women Today Magazine website
 
One website which the women among you might be interested in is “Women Today Magazine” published, if I’m not mistaken, by Campus Crusade for Christ. There’s a link to this website from this blog; look for it on the right hand column. Okay, okay, I’ll make it easy for you. To get to Women Today Magazine website, just click here.

I’ve browsed the site and found it chock-full of great articles for women. Okay, okay, I know some of you are now definitely shaking your heads and wondering why I would be browsing this kind of a website. Well, for two reasons …

“What wives wish their husbands knew about women”

One book which you might really be interested in reading, whether you’re a man or a woman, is Dr. James Dobson’s “What wives wish their husbands knew about women” (copyright 1975 by Tyndale House Publishers Inc; published by Living Books). The book is a worldwide bestseller, having sold more than two million copies, and the words on the frontispiece really get your attention – “Women have needs men don’t understand.” In this book, Dobson enumerates and discusses the top ten problems women face:

[1] Low self-esteem
[2] Fatigue and time pressure
[3] Loneliness, isolation, and boredom and absence of romantic love in marriage
[4] Financial difficulties
[5] Sexual problems in marriage
[6] Menstrual and physiological problems
[7] Problems with the children
[8] Problems with in-laws
[9] Aging

Number [3] in the enumeration above is actually a combination of two related problems – absence of romantic love leading to loneliness, isolation and boredom. The book is available locally in Christian bookstores like OMF Lit, PCBS, etc.

While Dobson wrote this book 31 years ago from a survey of American women, I would dare say that his findings and discussions still hold true today not only for Americans but also for Filipino women.

Bored, lonely housewives and the temptations of online affairs

When Dobson wrote this book in 1975, computers were clunky, room-sized contraptions powered by vacuum tubes (later on by transistors) and miles of electrical wiring. The Internet was then a highly technical tool used exclusively by the military and university researchers, and meant for making communicating with one another possible in case of a nuclear war. Today, 900 million people use the Internet (e-mail, websites and chat rooms) on a daily basis for professional, educational and personal purposes. Probe Ministries, in an article by Kerby Anderson, points out a danger that lonely and bored housewives are falling into, that is, online affairs or the allure of cyber-relationships. Anderson, citing the work of Peggy Vaughn, states:

Peggy Vaughn is the author of “The Monogamy Myth” and also serves as an expert for America Online on problems caused by infidelity. She predicts that one “role of the Internet in the future will be as a source of affairs.” She is writing a second book on the subject of adultery and says she could base half of it just on the letters she receives from people who started an affair online.

An online affair (or cyberaffair) is an intimate or sexually explicit communication between a married person and someone other than their spouse that takes place on the Internet. Usually this communication takes place through an online service such as America Online or CompuServe. Participants usually visit a chat room to begin a group conversation and then often move into a one-to-one mode of communication. Chat room categories range from “single and liking it” to “married and flirting” to “naked on the keyboard.”

Women in a chat room are often surprised at what develops in a fairly short period of time. At first the conversation is stimulating, though flirtatious. Quickly, however, women are often confronted with increasingly sexual questions and comments. Even if the comments don’t turn personal, women find themselves quickly sharing intimate information about themselves and their relationships that they would never share with someone in person. Peggy Vaughn says, “Stay-at-home moms in chat rooms are sharing all this personal stuff they are hiding from their partners.” She finds that the intensity of women’s online relationships can “quickly escalate into thinking they have found a soulmate.” [emphasis by boldfacing supplied - GTG]

Online affairs differ from physical world affairs in some ways, but are similar in others. Cyberaffairs are based upon written communication where a person may feel more free to express herself anonymously than in person. Frequently the communication becomes sexually graphic and kinky in ways that probably would not occur if a real person were hearing these comments and could act on them. Participants in an online affair will often tell their life stories and their innermost secrets. They will also create a new persona, become sexually adventurous, and pretend to be different than they really are. [emphasis by boldfacing supplied - GTG]

“A Woman Among The Pillars”

In a previous article “Why do men think the things they think, say the things they say, and do the things they do?”, I mentioned Stu Webber’s book “Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart” (reprinted locally by OMF Literature). As I mentioned in that article, Webber is a man’s man. After training as an Airborne Ranger, he fought in Vietnam with the battle-hardened 5th US Special Forces. A bonus part of Webber’s book is the postscript “A Woman Among The Pillars.” Here, Webber discusses the ways women can support the King Pillar of their husband’s hearts:

[1] Read, learn, apply and learn.
[2] Love unconditionally.
[3] Listen intently.
[4] Don’t expect him to meet all your emotional needs.
[5] Understand the power you have.
[6] See your husband as God’s gift to you.
[7] Appreciate the little things he does, as well as the “big” things.
[8] Give him some space.
[9] Physically appreciate him
[10] Follow his leadership.
[11] See your marriage as a journey, not a destination.

The definitive woman

Anyway, we really don’t have far to go if we want a portrait of the definitive woman, to know what the ideal wife is and what she does for her husband and children. We only have to pick up our Bible, open it up to the Old Testament and turn to Proverbs chapter 31. Not much is known about King Lemuel according to Bible scholars, but it is a common mistake to say that he wrote Proverbs 31. If you look closely at verse 1, you’ll know that these words were given and taught to him by his mother.

Proverbs 31, King James Version
10. Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
11. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
16. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
18. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. 19. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
20. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
23. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
25. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
29. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
30. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
31. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Hey, in case you didn’t notice, with the woman described in Proverbs 31 above, there aren’t any issues of low self-esteem, loneliness, boredom, the lack of romantic love … Perhaps, Dr. Dobson, in pages 185 and 186 of his book, best sums it all up when he states:

We have been examining, I believe, a single problem with ten different manifestations. Simply stated, the family was designed by God Almighty to have a specific purpose and function: when it operates as intended, the emotional and physical needs of husbands, wives and children are met in a beautiful relationship of symbiotic love. But when the function is inhibited or destroyed, then every member of the family experiences the discomfort of unmet needs … When the family conforms to God’s blueprint, then self-esteem is available for everyone – which satisfies romantic aspirations – which abolishes loneliness, isolation and boredom – which contributes to sexual fulfillment – which binds the marriage together in fidelity – which provides security for children – which gives parents a sense of purpose – which contributes to self-esteem once more. The chain has no weak links. It reveals the beauty of God’s own creation, as does the rest of his universe.

Well, well, well, Jang Geum, Jewel in the Palace and all about women … Hmm, I wonder, has Jang Geum written a book? Does she have a website? Let me find out and I’ll get right back to you …