“Fleeting things and elusive dreams”

Tom Jones, FX taxis, men and women, husbands and wives, and back to the future

Sunday mornings, I ride Ayala-bound FX taxis on my way to church. I don’t know why but the past several weeks, the FX taxis I rode on seemed to have been set to the same radio station which plays the classic songs of 1960’s and 1970’s icon Tom Jones. I’m sure you have heard his song which goes like this: “You followed me to Texas, you followed me to Utah; We didn’t find it there, so we moved on ....” The very familiar chorus says, “I know you’re tired of following my elusive dreams and schemes, for they’re only fleeting things, my elusive dreams.”

2007 is just about two weeks old and much of the year is still in the future, so to speak. Did you know that wheelchair bound, Nobel Prize physicist Stephen Hawking once delivered before an audience of fellow scientists a lecture entitled, “Why can we remember the past but not the future?” Hawking said that the reason is that the arrow of time flies towards the future and not towards the past. Well, that sounds like the reasoning of a barbershop philosopher or a smart-alecky college student, but Hawking is a scientist with a world-class reputation for his revolutionary ideas about the universe, so we’ll just take his word for it, okay?

Anyway, speaking about the future, somebody once said that “the future is where men spend most of their time.” Drs. Les and Leslie Parrot in their book “Relationships” (copyright 1998; Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan USA; reprinted in the Philippines by Christian Literature Crusade and available at National Bookstore, PCBS, OMF Lit), in page 66, say that while men are busy talking about their future plans, schemes and dreams, the women in their lives are usually focused on the here-and-now. According to Drs. Les and Leslie, when men talk about their dreams and future plans, women are asking themselves the question, “What’s going on right now and how do I feel about it?” They say that “women focus on current feelings and experiences because these build emotional bonds of connection between them.”

Drs. Les and Leslie say that men are wired for “report talk” while women, by nature, engage in “rapport talk.” That is, men talk about facts, figures, plans, dreams, the future, while women talk about feelings and relationships.

H. Norman Wright, one of America’s most-loved family counselors, in his book “Communication: The key to your marriage” says pretty much the same thing about how men and women are wired differently from each other. You can read more about the differences between men and women in my article entitled “Do wives really want husbands to share their feelings and thoughts with them?”

It’s no wonder then that men and women too often find themselves in conflict with each other. So what’s the solution? Men and women should first of all understand and accept that they are wired differently. As Dr. Laura said in her book “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands,” women should realize that men don’t make good girlfriends! What she’s saying is that, women should not expect their husband to speak, react and relate the way their female friends do.

Having understood how men and women are wired differently, spouses can then make the necessary adjustments in the ways they relate to one another. If you’re a wife, let your husband talk all he wants about the future, his plans and dreams. After he’s through making his “report talk,” ask your husband to listen as you “rapport talk” about what your feelings are about what you as a couple are currently going through.

The bottom line for men, according to Drs. Les and Leslie, is that ”if you want to get down to the task of solving problems for the future with the women in your life, you must first take the time to explore their feelings about the present.”

If you want to read more about the works of Drs. Les and Leslie Parrot, their website is www.realrelationships.com. There’s a link to their website from this blog. Look for it in the right hand column. Okay, okay, I’ll make it easy for you. To get to their Real Relationships website, just click here.

Some of Drs. Les and Leslie’s books which I have bought and enjoyed reading are “Becoming Soul Mates,” “Questions Couples Ask,” and “Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts.” Like I said, these books are available in National Bookstore, PCBS, OMF Lit and other Christian bookstores.

The first time I read “Becoming Soul Mates,” I was riding an FX taxi going down from Antipolo after a court hearing. Well, well, well, riding FX taxis seems to be a creative trigger for me. I have previously written two articles (“Sad movies always make me cry” and “Emotional word pictures”) based on my experiences riding Ayala-bound taxis. I wonder, what’s going to happen this coming Sunday as I ride again on an Ayala-bound FX taxi on my way to church? Hey, I’m talking about the future!