Acronyms for better marriages: BEST, COUPLES, CHAIRS, ZTE and NBN

Okay, okay, ZTE and NBN are not acronyms on marriage and relationships. These initials stand for corruption in high places, mega-million dollar bribes and ... okay, okay, I don't want to get involved in these political controversies so I've got to back off!

The famous jingle for a local pop radio station rhetorically asks its listeners “Kailangan pa bang i-memorize’yan?” on issues that, in its often irreverent, wacky perspective, are so common sense, so clear that memorization should be absolutely unnecessary.

Marriage is the most difficult human relationship, and people who get married in their late teens and early twenties are especially in for an uphill struggle. One time, a former co-teacher asked me for help in annulling the marriage of her twenty-year old daughter. The daughter became pregnant at age eighteen and had to get married to save the family honor. Now two years later, her mother says that the marriage had to be annulled because her daughter and her husband were not compatible.

When a teenager gets pregnant, the concern should not be to save the family honor but to do what’s best for her and the child she’s carrying. Certainly, the solution is not to get the girl and whoever got her pregnant (usually a teenager himself) married. Experience has shown that a marriage in these circumstances will almost always end in a separation one or two years after. This is so basic that we can certainly ask rhetorically, “Kailangan pa bang i-memorize yan?”

So what should be done in this situation? It’s better to allow the girl to go through with the pregnancy in the care of NGOs which provide homes for unwed mothers. Later on, the she has the option of giving up her baby for adoption.

(Please take note that under the Family Code, a person below 18 years of age cannot get married, even with parental consent.)

Ptr. Chuck Swindoll, in one of his radio messages, said that being in love wasn’t reason enough to get married. He said that it was commitment, not love, which holds a marriage together. To help you hold your marriage together, let me tell you about certain acronyms on marriage and relationships like B-E-S-T, C-O-U-P-L-E-S and C-H-A-I-R-S.

In his book “Love Life for Every Married Couple” (copyright 1980; Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA; reprinted in the Philippines by Christian Literature Crusade), Dr. Ed Wheat Jr. gives us his prescription for a superb marriage in the acronym B-E-S-T which stand for Blessing, Edification, Sharing and Touching.

Essentially, Dr. Wheat explains the acronym this way:

[1] Blessing – in everything we do or say, a spouse’s motivation and reaction should always be of blessing. “A spouse blesses the husband or wife with words of love, respect and affirmation; bestowing practical benefits or acts of kindness; conveying thoughtfulness and appreciation; and in intercessory prayers.” (pages 178-179)

[2] Edification – ‘the husband edifies his wife by praising her; the wife edifies her husband by her loving response to him.” (page 181)

[3] Sharing – The Book of Genesis says that a husband and wife shall become “one flesh” in all areas of life – your time, activities, interests and concerns, ideas and innermost thoughts, spiritual walk, family objective, and goals, etc. (page 182)

[4] Touching – Dr. Wheat says spouses (men especially) should learn to practice non-sexual touching. On pages 184 to 187, Wheat enumerates 25 ways spouses can improve their marriage through touching.

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs was a pastor for over 20 years before taking, with his wife Sarah, his Love and respect seminars all over the USA beginning 1998. His book is entitled “Love and Respect” (copyright 2004; originally published in the USA by Integrity Publishers USA; reprinted in the Philippines by Church Strengthening Ministry Inc.)

Dr. Eggerichs bases the theology and theory of his marriage seminars on Ephesians 5:33. He says that love is what a woman most desires, while respect is what a man desperately needs. In support of this theology and theory, Eggerichs offers two acronyms for a great marriage: C-O-U-P-L-E-S and C-H-A-I-R-S.

The C-O-U-P-L-E-S acronym is meant to familiarize men with what their wives need and how to show love to their wives. It stands for Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty and Esteem.

The C-H-A-I-R-S acronym sums up for women how they can show their respect for their husbands, and stands for Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship and Sexuality.

Dr. Eggerichs devotes a chapter each in discussing the different parts of the acronyms, ending each chapter with practical ways showing how husbands and wives can apply these acronyms to their relationships.

The last time I looked, Dr. Wheat’s book cost only about 180 pesos. Dr. Eggerichs’ book is more expensive at 350 pesos, but hey, if you want a great marriage, 350 pesos is nothing, right? Kailangan pa bang i-memorize ‘yan?