KC Concepcion admitted last week in an interview with Boy Abunda that she has broken up with Piolo Pascual. When asked why, KC said in the vernacular, “May mga hinahanap ako na napaka-basic lang na hanapin ng isang babae sa isang boyfriend, sa isang lalaki.” KC refused to reveal details about what these basic things are that a woman wants from her boyfriend. But days or weeks from now, she might feel freer to talk about these things.
Well, I believe Dr. James Dobson, John Eldredge, and Jenet Jacob (in that order) have said better than anyone else what a woman wants from the man in her life. In page 65 of his book “What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women” (Living Books; copyright 1975 by Tyndale House Publishers Inc.), Dr. Dobson says,
Women yearn to be the special sweethearts of their men, being respected and appreciated and loved with tenderness. This is why a homemaker often thinks about her husband during the day and eagerly awaits his arrival home. It explains why their wedding anniversary is more important to her, and why he gets clobbered when he forgets. It explains why she is constantly “reaching” for him when he is at home, trying to pull him out of the newspaper or television set; it explains why ‘Absence of Romantic Love in My Marriage’ ranked so high as a source of depression among women, whereas men would have rated it somewhere in the vicinity of last place. (emphasis by boldfacing supplied)Next to Dr. Dobson, John Eldredge states in poetically insightful terms what every woman wants. In page 182 of his book “Wild At Heart, Discovering The Secret of a Man’s Soul” (Thomas Nelson Publishers; copyright 2001), Eldredge says:
… the deep cry of a little girl’s heart is am I lovely? Every woman needs to know that she is exquisite and exotic and chosen. This is core to her identity, the way she bears the image of God. Will you pursue me? Do you delight in me? Will you fight for me?Next to Dr. Dobson and Eldredge, Jenet Jacob, a social science fellow of The Heritage Foundation, best sums up what women want. She says, “Men’s ability to emotionally connect is the most important factor when women evaluate the quality of their marriages.”
Emotional connection is achieved through conversation and the sharing of feelings, thoughts, ideas and plans between a man and a woman. I remember one sermon by Ptr. Chuck Swindoll in his “Insight for Living” radio program where he mentioned that women love it when men show emotional vulnerability, some cracks in their armor.
Most women would say that their number one problem is trying to make their boyfriend or husband open up and share things with them. When it comes to this issue of emotional connection and sharing, most of the time men come out looking like they are more to be blamed than women. As the title of a David Clarke book puts it, “men are clams, women are crowbars.” Women, it seems, are perennially trying, cajoling, pleading, pressuring, nagging their men to open up and share their feelings.
Why KC and Piolo’s relationship didn’t work out: KC is an F while Piolo is a T
Let me guess why KC and Piolo’s relationship didn’t work out. I don’t know much about KC and Piolo; truth to tell, the only entertainers I liked, when they were still child stars, were Nino Muhlach and Aiza Seguerra (okay, okay, I have to add Matet to the list). But it seems that KC is an F (Feeler) while Piolo is a T (Thinker). America’s most beloved family counselor, H. Norman Wright, in his book “Communication: Key To Your Marriage” (published by Regal Books, A Division of Gospel Light) says about F’s and T’s:
One of the most typical relationships that develops is between a male T and a female F. This connection has the most potential for creating divisiveness and long-term problems. T’s need to think about and analyze their emotions. They bring to a marriage emotional control and reserve that can limit intimacy. They want to understand intimacy, not experience it, while an F wants to share openly and experience intimacy.Hmm, KC is beautiful and talented, and she is now free … Do you know her contact numbers?
If a couple doesn’t learn to connect emotionally, they’re at risk for either an affair or a marriage breakup. The bonding material of a marriage is emotional intimacy. F’s hunger for warmth, sharing and closeness, and without this dimension, they can end up feeling lonely. They like the inner strength and security of a T but not the perceived emptiness.